Be Aware 
It is true that you are shaped by your childhood. Looking back, I can say without hesitation that mine was a happy childhood with many memorable moments.
Typical of the era in which I grew up, Mum tended house while Dad brought home the bacon. In my case, Dad had just started out in business and was often out of town every two weeks out of four.
Mum may not have received the sort of education which she and Dad put my three brothers and I through, but her homespun wisdom and demonstrative love sustained us through to adulthood.
Whenever he was back from his business travels, Dad spent a lot of time with us. Our pleasures were simple –picnics by the beach, games in the park, a good ole family chin-wag over the dinner table.
I also fondly recall playing with my cousins at Grandma’s place, where we spent delightful hours doing the hopscotch, catching spiders, longkang (drain or canal) fishing, and playing with the chapteh*, marbles and tops.
Looking back, I guess the thing I most treasured was the unending support of my parents, who were always there whenever we needed them.
In Their Footsteps
I classify what I learnt from Dad and Mum about parenting under the letters LTA -Love, Time and Acceptance. They loved us deeply, spent plenty of quality time with us, and accepted each of us for who we were.
In turn, my wife Laraine and I have adopted these parenting principles with our three kids –Bryan, Cherry and Desmond. Like most parents, we have a simple wish for them –to be happy, healthy and intelligent. I am glad to say that they are on track.
Here are some snapshots of how I try to live out LTA –Love, Time and Acceptance, with my children.
• Love
Love is the most important element in parenting. I love my kids unconditionally and uniquely, because they are all different. I love them as who they are and not how well they perform in their studies and other areas.
Kids are kids: sensitive –and in need of love and assurance. Several times each day, I hug my kids, hold them, kiss them, and tell them, “I love you.” Naturally, they reciprocate and say, “I love you, Papa.” I see no need to be shy about being demonstrative with them as I give them the best gift of all –myself.
I believe by giving them unconditional love and encouragement, they will try their best to not disappoint those who love them. It also boosts their confidence and gives them the tools to achieve.
• Time
It has been said: “To a child, love is spelt T-I-M-E.”
Dads need to spend time with their kids, whether engaging in activities together or just watching them play. I bring my kids out every weekend and engage in sports with them each Sunday. Every year, we go on a trip overseas together during the holidays.
I drive my kids to school every morning and we swap stories on the way. Parents must train themselves to be attentive in listening to their kids –on what is spoken and unsaid, by observing their body language.
• Acceptance
Get to know your kids. Each child is born with his or her own strengths and weaknesses. Even siblings differ in personalities, as well as physical appearance. Therefore each kid requires a different kind of support to help him or her thrive. Spend time with your kids to identify their learning styles. Put them in suitable environments that create the right conditions for success.
Laraine and I often tell our kids that what matters most is that they give their best in whatever they choose to do. As long as they have tried, results are only scores. If they score well, they can still improve. If they score badly, they should find out why and try harder the next time.
We do not expect them to excel in everything they do. It is more important that they try out new things to discover their talents and interests.
Doing Things Together
Benjamin Franklin once said, “Tell me and I forget. Show me and I remember. Involve me and I understand.”
I involved my three kids in publishing a book called How to Raise Happy, Healthy and Intelligent Kids. Besides writing for the book, they invited their friends and classmates to contribute articles.
More importantly, being involved in the book project, allowed my children to learn about parenting, love, gratitude and filial piety. I know this will help to prepare them to be good parents in future. For Laraine and I, the best is yet to come –we will have our happy, healthy and intelligent grandchildren.
*In a traditional game, players use their feet and various parts of the body, except the hands, to keep a chapteh (heavily-weighted shuttlecock made of feathers attached to a rubber disc) up in the air and prevent it from falling to the ground.
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Each generation stands on the shoulders of the one before. Discover a dad's power to shape and influence future generations through the simple everyday interactions and steady investment in your child's life! It's an invaluable legacy you leave behind. Quick Reads As a dad, you have the “Father Power” to positively influence future generations. This is achieved through making steady investments in your child’s life, using your everyday interactions. Take stock of your father’s legacy to you and pass them on to your children. Celebrate your child’s life at every opportunity, with regular meals, and marking anniversaries. Bringing up kids is not easy in today’s world. There are many challenges and distractions. And while there are many books and courses that aim to help us, it is perhaps true that most of our parenting skills are often learnt from our parents. Father of three, Cheong Wing Kiat writes. Here is a snapshot of fathers in Singapore from the 1910s to present day. What has affected them through the decades? What was life as a father like in the past? Take these snippets and share your memories with your children, or ask your own dad or granddad about the days of old. Chronicling the birth and life of your child is a worthwhile endeavour. The returns to your child and to you will surprise you. Find tips on how to make this an easy and rewarding activity. Very much like running a marathon, fathering is a journey that requires commitment, discipline and preparedness. Even when you “hit the wall”, stay in the race by reminding yourself of the motivation for fathering: unconditional love, that is expressed in a willingness to persevere. Thereafter, you will run past “the wall”, find your “second wind” and a new joy in fathering.
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About the Author: Cheong Wing Kiat, 52, and his wife Laraine are parents of Bryan 17, Cherry 16, and Desmond 14. Mr Cheong is Executive Director of Wen Ken Group, as well as a business developer, venture capitalist and pioneering entrepreneur. But the most apt, and the title he probably treasures most, is “Father”. A keen promoter in parenting, he conceptualised and co-authored the book, How to Raise Happy, Healthy and Intelligent Kids in 2008.
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