Every dad is unique. You have distinct perspectives, preferences and mannerisms, depending on your life experiences, influences and social context. Likewise, every child is unique. They respond differently to different situations and actions.

As a father, you would need to be sensitive to your child's character and needs, adopting different methods in communicating your love, care and concern.

The Five Love Languages

Dr. Gary Chapman, a bestselling author of The Five Love Languages, shares that there are five main ways we show love:

1. Spending quality time with your child

2. Affirmative communication

3. Appropriate physical touch to soothe and bond with your child

4. Doing things for your child

5. Sharing gifts (1)

1. Spending Quality Time with Your Child

Setting aside dedicated time is a clear way of demonstrating how you love and cherish your child. When spending time with your child it is important to provide full and undivided attention to your child.

To make your child feel extra special, demonstrate keen interest in the activity and your child's thoughts and emotions during the activity. Bringing your child to the neighbourhood playground and allowing him to play on his own while you immerse yourself in reading the newspaper will send the wrong signal to your child. Play along and engage him, no matter how childish it might seem.

In choosing the activity to spend quality time with your child, recognise what is important to him and make that a priority. Your child will recognise your effort and sacrifice and cherish the moment.

2. Affirmative Communication

One way of showing your child love is through affirmative communication. Many traditional Asian fathers tend to adopt a stoic demeanour in the family, leaving mum to communicate and interact with the child. This can often inhibit the bond-building process between you and your child.

It is important to praise positive behaviour often and even say “I love you” so that your child feels appreciated and validated. Unsolicited compliments will boost the self-confidence of your child, strengthening his or her personal development.

It is also important to use positive and loving words when disciplining your child. For example, when your child is running around in a moving MRT carriage, correct his behaviour by explaining that you are concerned about his safety and the consequences for everyone should an accident occur. This will result in a positive behavioural change and your child will be strengthened by the knowledge of how much you value him.

3. Appropriate Touch

You can also show your child love by through the sense of touch. Mothers tend to be more forthcoming in expressing their emotions through touch, but it is also important for dads to reach out to their children in a similar manner. Holding hands, hugs, pats on the back are simple ways in which you can express love, care and concern for your child.

Some children love cuddling before bedtime or simply sitting together watching television. Your presence and sense of touch communicates accessibility and familiarity that will reassure your child and create a strong father-child bond. Some kids will appreciate indulging in more rough and tumble games with dad.

4. Do Things for Your Child

Children will appreciate all the little things you do for them. Sacrificing your badminton match with your colleagues to help your child with his urgent homework or giving him a lift to soccer practice early on Sunday morning will speak volumes to your child on how much you care for him.

A sacrifice of time and effort on your part to prioritise him will be interpreted as an act of love by your child. While doing things for your child, reinforce the act with positive and loving words so that the message is clear.

5. Sharing Gifts

Don’t mistake this love language for materialism. It is about the gesture of giving rather than the gift itself. Personalised gifts, no matter how small or simple, let your child know that he is treasured and cared for.

Recognise what your child values, whether it is a book, a toy or a game, and express your love verbally when giving him the gift. Be careful not to overdo this as it can become meaningless or your child may take it for granted.

Also remember that gifts are not bribes. Neither should you give a child presents to allay the guilt of not spending sufficient time with him.

Observe and Adapt to Suit Your Child

Children may respond differently to the five love languages. The shy ones may be uncomfortable by public displays of affection, but may appreciate the little gifts or sacrifices you make for them. As your child grows, observe how they respond to the way you demonstrate your love.

Move away from what your comfort zone and embrace the means to which your child responds positively. Continue to explore innovative and memorable ways of demonstrating your love and connecting with your child.

Similarly, as you continue to show your child love in a myriad of ways, you will build a stronger connection with your child and develop into a more confident father, contributing positively to your child's development.

Reference:

1. The Five Love Languages retrieved on 15 May 2010

About the Author: The Dads for Life Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads.