Be Aware 
Granddads are Treasures
“Having an older person at home is akin to having a treasure.”
-A Chinese idiom
Granddad, with your wealth of experience, you can play a valuable and unique role in your grandchildren’s lives physically, emotionally, relationally and even spiritually. Knowing that you are leaving a legacy for your grandchildren can be motivating and energising.
Granddads Have Many Roles
What children need most are the essentials that grandparents provide in abundance. They give unconditional love, kindness, patience, humor, comfort, lessons in life. And, most importantly, cookies.
-Rudolph Giuliani
Like most granddads, you’ll have many opportunities to nurture, pamper and guide your grandchildren, without the daily responsibility of caring for them. Grandchildren need a playmate, nurturer, caregiver and teacher. As you spend time with your grandchildren and occupy them with activities, you bond with them and help in their development.
Neugarten & Weinstein (1964), cited in Lefrancois (1993), in their research done in North America among 70 sets of grandparents, found that there are at least five different styles of grandparenting: formal, fun-seeking, distant figure, parental surrogate and reservoir-of-family-wisdom.
Dr Lim Kim Whee, 76, a consultant paediatric neurologist, a father of two and grandfather of two grandkids, both aged five, remarks, “As granddads, we play a secondary role, supporting our children in their primary parenting role. Our role is to see to our grandchildren’s well-being and happiness and that they are well brought up.”
Granddads Enrich Family Life Physically
The simplest toy, one that even the youngest child can operate, is called a grandparent.
-Sam Levenson
It’s important to spend time with your grandchildren. As such, schedule regular opportunities for contact such as weekend visits. Grandchildren look forward to these moments. It’s when they get to bond with you.
Despite working part-time, Dr Lim makes it a point to spend at least every Saturday with his grandchildren, a girl and a boy.
He says, “It’s a great feeling to see them enjoying playing games with you or when you take them swimming or to the playground. I really enjoy telling them stories and nursery rhymes and putting them to sleep for their afternoon naps or when they stay over.”
Ms Violet Yang, an advisor to Great Joy Community Care, states, “Grandfathers hold a big role in play with grandchildren. Children learn through play and grandfathers should be the best playmate of his grandchildren. They should engage themselves with the activities that both enjoy.”
Besides play, you can help with babysitting. This will give your children and their spouses some couple time and a respite from care-giving. As a granddad, you can also provide strength and stability at a time when your children are busy making adjustments and figuring out their new roles as parents.
Tips:
- Make time: Have regular contact time with your grandchildren. If possible, spend time individually with each grandchild. This helps to build more in-depth relationships.
- Do Little Things: if you are not able to see your grandchildren regularly, find ways to communicate that you are thinking of them. For example, send them cards, letters and emails.
Granddads Enrich Family Life Emotionally & Psychologically
Because grandparents are usually free to love and guide and befriend the young without having to take daily responsibility for them, they can often reach out past pride and fear of failure and close the space between generations.
-Jimmy Carter
Compared to fathers, granddads’ personalities and egos are usually less closely wrapped up in the child's performance. Hence, you can be more relaxed, and a great source of positive encouragement—without pressure—for your grandchildren. You’re freer to express love unconditionally; grandchildren can fail and still save “face”.
Even when a granddad is bedridden because of illness, he still enriches family life psychologically and emotionally. Ms Yang explains, “He provides an opportunity for family members to learn to be patient and caring towards their loved ones. He can still be a source of encouragement.”
In addition, granddads are another model of manhood, and may even in some cases step in as a father-figure for grandchildren who don't have a dad.
Tips:
- Listen to your grandchild: Attentive listening communicates that you are interested in him, you consider him worthwhile as a person, and his ideas are worth your time and attention.
- Spend lots of unstructured time with your grandchild: You may teach something without even realising it: something happens, you take an action, answer a question or explain something, and the child learns something new.
Granddads Enrich Family Life Relationally
Grandparents & grandchildren
Together they create a chain of love
Linking the past
With the future
The chain may lengthen
But it will never part
-Author unknown
Grandparents are the living links between the present and the past, and serve as connection points for the extended family. As such, your home will often be the meeting place for family gatherings. This gives you many opportunities to build strong bonds and set the tone for family dynamics.
In addition, be aware that as your children and their spouses become parents, your relationship with them will change. Allow them to develop their own parenting style. Learn to take a back seat and become a cheerleader, even if you may not always agree with what they do. Trying to ‘parent’ your grandchildren may cause friction in family relationships.
Tips:
- Be a living library: Grandchildren need a sense of family history. When you tell stories about aunts, uncles, cousins and their parents, you convey to them: ”You are part of this family”.
- Heal relationship wounds with your children: Your children and their spouses are the gate-keepers between you and your grandchildren. Tension or unresolved pain in those relationships can cause hindrances with your grandchildren. Healing those wounds is an important part of being a granddad.
Granddads Enrich Family Life Spiritually
Little creatures who have their eyes fixed on tomorrow can make a gnarled veteran of life's wars forget the pain of past failures and believe in the future again.
-Leland Griffin, a pastor and counselor, a father of two and grandfather of five
What personal qualities do you want your children and grandchildren to carry into future generations?
Dr Lim shares, “The values are similar to those we tried to impart to our children when they were young. They should love and respect their parents, be obedient and well-behaved, respect elders, be caring and unselfish. One must remember that grandchildren learn from and imitate their elders.”
Indeed, granddads are in an ideal position to shape young minds. You may also see a chance to support your children by pointing out all they do for your grandchildren, as well as reinforcing their established limits and routines.
Tips:
- Look for opportunities to transmit values. This can happen in everyday events like teaching them to share with siblings or peers when they fight for a toy.
- Be a role model. Model qualities like respect, patience and caring for others, be they to family members or the less fortunate.
Remember: Your life as a granddad can be noble, purposeful and even, vital.
References:
1. Attias-Donfut,C. & Segalen,M. (2002). The Construction of Grandparenthood. Current Sociology, 50(2), pp.281-294.
2. Lefrancois, G. (1993). The Lifespan. California: Wadsworth Publishing Company.
3. http:www.searchwarp.com “Most Memorable Quotes For Grandparents”. retrieved 28 September 2010
4. http:www.fathers.com: “Fathers.com. National Center For Fathering.” U.S.A. retrieved 28 September 2010
5. http://www.inspirational-quotes-cafe.com/grandfather-quotes.html retrieved 28 September 2010
About the Author: The DadsforLife Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads.
