Gone are the days when cool kids would hang out at malls and listen to Roxette’s It Must Have Been Love on their Sony Walkmans. In this day and age, even cats hang out with their friends on Facebook!

Statistics show that 2.4 million people in Singapore own a Facebook account, with the largest percentage of users being under 18 years of age. If Facebook is the trendiest hangout spot for kids of this generation, it is quite likely that your teen or pre-teen will want to be there too. Even your toddler may want to participate in the spaces where he sees his older siblings spending their time.

Kids Whine: Why Can’t I Be On Facebook?

Sanford D'Souza and his family

Sanford D’Souza is a Singaporean dad of four - Craig (23), Kirk (18), Krysta (12) and Keona (8). He has always valued building strong relationships with his family through face-to-face interactions. He has put in more than his share of effort to communicate with his children. Yet even his eight-year-old wants to get into Facebook.

Dad’s Reason: You’re Too Young

While Facebook’s Terms of Use state that one must be above 13 years old to be eligible to start an account, many social media experts estimate that a large number of users are younger than that. Allowing your child to join the crowd in violating the Terms of Use also risks compromising their grip on ethics. It is hard to argue against the wisdom in requiring that your child should live by higher standards.

D’Souza said, “The dilemma we’ve had was allowing Krysta to be on Facebook when effectually she would be lying about her age. I failed as a parent to disallow this and I’m not proud of it.”

Later, when D’Souza’s youngest wanted to hang out on Facebook too, D’Souza decided that she could freely interact with her friends but only with help from Mum. Keona can add her classmates as her Mum’s Facebook friends, and post messages via her Mum’s Facebook account. This unique arrangement was possible only because both parents were convinced that it was important, and Mum was willing to be hands-on and carry it through.

Dad’s Guidelines: Don’t Harm Others, Don’t Waste Your Life

While D’Souza does not have a positive view of Facebook, he acknowledges that he cannot insulate his children from it just because of the possibility of evil. This is especially true for his sons, Craig and Kirk. Having said that, if the young men's indulgence in Facebook were to distract them from fulfilling their bigger purposes, ambitions and dreams, D'Souza would not hesitate to take the strongest measures to curb their participation.

When a dad is willing to set reasonable guidelines for his children, they grow up knowing that Dad cares, and feels assured that Dad is there to keep them safe and on the right track, even when they protest. Other guidelines that a Dad may want to set:

● No adding of friends whom you do not personally know.

● No hiding from parents the existence of your Facebook profiles, or disallowing them from viewing the activities on your Facebook Wall.

● Use Facebook only after your chores and responsibilities toward self and family have been met.

● No using Facebook while in bed or during meals.

Dad’s Valuable Facebook Friendship is Dad Being There for Them

For divorced father Yusof Abdullah (not his real name), hanging out on Facebook has enabled him to hang out with his daughter even though they live apart. Dad and daughter feed each other’s virtual pets, and send each other virtual gifts to help each other complete quests.

You can almost hear their Virtual High-Five when they successfully increase their game level by supporting one another online. We can be pretty sure that when Abdullah’s daughter grows up, she’ll deeply appreciate Dad’s efforts to come down to her level and interact with her.

For Dads of happily intact families, Facebook can be an asset too. Dads, you can:

● Add your children as friends

● Respond to their status updates, encourage and comfort them

● Persevere in keeping communication channels open especially during their teens

● Affirm them and gain their respect by speaking well of them and others online

● Play with them at their level in the games that they choose

● Patiently challenge them towards tougher challenges such as Scrabble and Chess

● Avoid being dismissive toward Facebook which is their generation’s (current) favourite online activity and hangout ‘spot’

● Complement your interactions with your children online, by continuing to interact with them face-to-face

Facebook is not the root of all evil, though it does have its limitations and Dads need to continue being with their children in person -- speaking to them, hugging them, giving them real gifts, doing things with them, and simply loving them and accepting them.

Just supplement the good that you’re already doing by entering their playground of Facebook, being their playmate, and being their Dad.

About the Author: The Dads for Life Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads.