Be Aware Fatherhood 101 Dr Ken Canfield Observes that Dads in Asia are Committed to Family Life
Priority of Family Life Permeates Asia
The founder and former president of The National Centre of Fathering in the United States (US), Dr Canfield started a movement over 20 years ago that would change the climate of family life across the country.
His work has also brought him into contact with dads from all over the world, who are dedicated to the cause of active fathering. And, he has observed that, “A great strength in Asian households is ‘commitment’ to family.” According to Dr Canfield, the priority that is given to family life permeates Asian culture.
There is significance in finding that commitment to family is present, as Dr Canfield has stated in his book, The Seven Secret of Effective Dads, that “commitment” is the first secret for men to grasp and live out if they are to be effective in their role as fathers.
How Dads Can Demonstrate Commitment
To leverage on this inherent strength, Dr Canfield suggested some ways for dads to demonstrate commitment to their children.
He added, “Demonstrate and let others (fellow workers, friends and neighbors) know of your commitment to your children. Take advantage of events in your life where your motivation is naturally high to reaffirm your commitment.”
According to Dr Canfield, dads will gain much by surrounding themselves with positive messages and models of effective fathering. And, last but not least, dads should simply have fun with their children.
As fathering calls for a lifetime of commitment, Dr Canfield pointed out how important it is for dads to exercise perseverance as their children grow older. “I want to celebrate the virtues of commitment in Asian fathers, particularly when they are challenged through the adolescent and young adult phases of child development,” he said.
There is still much to be learnt about fathering in Asian households, Dr Canfield said, “I am curious to know exactly how this commitment is being expressed. Is it spoken? Do rituals reinforce it? How does commitment impact the next generation?”
Continuing to Learn about Asian Families
“I will be thumbing through newsprint, magazines, (as well as) looking at billboards and other media to determine how fathers are being positioned,” said Dr Canfield. The questions he is asking include: “Are they (fathers) being portrayed as essential or superfluous to child well-being?”
Dr Canfield is also keen to learn about how “shame” is used in local fathering behaviors and households, as it is a powerful emotional force which can undermine the well-being of child development if not properly understood.
On a more macro level, Dr Canfield has been interested in how a distinct fathering initiative might be received in Asian families, particularly by mothers. As such, he looks forward to observing, listening, probing and assessing the status of fathers in Singapore, as well as the mothers and the family system.
Impressions of the Fathering Movement in Singapore
When asked about his impression about the fathering movement in Singapore, Dr Canfield replied, “The materials that DFL has produced are superb. They are research-based, practical and professionally packaged… DFL may be one of the emerging treasures in Singapore.”
He added, “…when fathers engage in responsible, pro-active behavior in child and family well-being, everyone wins.”
He explained, “There are economic and relational benefits. Children become secure in their identity. Women find encouragement knowing they have a life partner in child rearing, although this can be intimidating and counter cultural to some.”
“Lastly, fathers benefit because it prompts them to focus on long term issues which are germane to the next generation,” he said.
Spending Time with Families in Singapore
As the date of the DFL Conference draws nearer, Dr Canfield is looking forward to visiting the beautiful sites in Singapore. He has heard that Changi Airport is one of the most efficient and well-designed airports in the world. Nonetheless, Dr Canfield reiterates that what is most important to him is, “…meeting the fathers, their children and families.”
“Observing their (father-child) interactions, and being with you will be my privilege,” concluded Dr Canfield.
Action Points for Dads:
• Plan a day out with your children, simply to have fun with them.
• If your child loves soccer, bring him or her to watch a game “live” or sign up for a soccer camp. Encourage them to take part in activities they enjoy.
• Look through old photo albums with your kids to share the positive memories from your childhood.
• Display on your desk, a handicraft or drawing done by your children, to let colleagues know of your commitment to the family.
• Join a group for dads or attend courses on fathering. This will allow you to surround yourself with positive messages and models of effective fathering.
Resources:
• Center for Fathering (CFF), Singapore, founded in 2000, is a local charity working to "turn the hearts of children towards their fathers by inspiring fathers to be involved in their children's lives". Its ‘Back to School with Dad’ programme, Eat with Your Family Day, Father-Child bonding camps, and marriage and family workshops, serve to inspire, equip and support men in their roles as fathers. Tel: 6252 8408
• National Center for Fathering’s US-based website, Fathers.com, contains a treasure trove of articles for men who want to find creative ways to express their commitment as dads. Authors featured include Dr Ken Canfield and other prominent thinkers in the field of fathering.
References:
1. Canfield, K., (1992), The Seven Secrets of Effective Fathers, (Tyndale, USA)
About the Author: The Dads for Life Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads.
