What’s the difference between a dad who is “hands-off” and one who is “hands-on”? In this article, we compare the impact of absentee (hands-off) dads with that of involved (hands-on) dads in their children’s lives. We also discuss how dads can be more involved in their children’s growing up years.

The Hands-On & Hands-Off Dad

Here’s a table to illustrate the difference between an Absentee Dad and an Involved Dad. I’ve drawn it up based on my observations and experience working families in the last 16 years.

Family Shock-It’s Not Fatherlessness, It’s about Absentee Dads

What impact does a father’s absence or presence have on his children? In his book Family Shock, Clinical Psychologist, Dr Gary Collins stated that more than one quarter of U.S. children have little or no contact with their dads, and the social and emotional consequences can be devastating.

Dr Collins comments that the main problem for these children is not fatherlessness, but the lack of father’s love and modeling.

More Research on the Impact of Absentee Dads

According to a ScienceDaily report, ⁽²⁾ children who have an active father figure have fewer behavioral problems among the boys, and psychological problems in the younger women.

Swedish researchers ⁽³⁾ found that regular positive contact with fathers reduces criminal behaviour among children in low-income families. It also enhances cognitive skills like intelligence, reasoning and language development.

These facts serve to remind us how important it is for fathers to be involved with their children.

In addition, Dr Matthew Matthews, a research fellow from Lee Kuan Yew School of Public Policy (National University of Singapore), explained to DadsforLife that fathers act as role models for their children. ⁽⁴⁾

According to Dr Matthews, in order to become productive members of society, children need positive role models in life. And, for dads to be successful at being positive models, they need to be involved and connected with their children.

Staying involved and connected is especially important in our society where dads usually take on and focus on the traditional breadwinner role. Although this has changed significantly in the last generation, some men still take on the role that their own dads had defined. Hence, it is important for more dads to re-examine their roles in the lives of their children.

Hey Dads, Stay Connected & Involved with Your Kids

Here are three areas you can focus on to be more hands-on as a dad

Physically

This is where you can bond with your kids -especially the younger ones- through play. Schedule an activity with them such as:

• Kite flying

• Cycling in a park

• Playing ball games

• Swimming

• Dining out

Engaging activity does not necessary have to be outdoors. You can structure a time to play indoor games as well. However, I do not recommend watching DVD at home unless you also consciously make it interactive. If you have babies or toddlers, get involved in the daily routine of care like feeding, bathing, changing diapers or even just cuddling and playing with them.

Psychologically

Children need assurance from time to time. You can encourage your kids by helping them to develop a more positive outlook to life. Here's what you can do if your children are down:

• Take time to affirm them especially when they are stressed with their school work.

• Spend time talking together as a way to show concern for their mental well-being.

• Let them know that you are there for them if they need help.

• Share your values and views with them when they are curious about certain issues in life but do not preach at them.

• Understand how each of your children progresses according to his developmental stage so that you are aware of his need and will know how to connect with him.

Emotionally

In order for children to be willing to connect with their dads, they must be assured that they will not be judged, and will be loved no matter what. Dads, you can connect with your children by:

• Telling them how much you appreciate them.

• Reassuring them that they are important to you.

• Providing a listening ear for them.

• Finding out the cause of their sadness or frustration.

• Spending time talking through their emotions.

In conclusion, understand that as a dad, you play an extremely crucial role in your children’s development. Children look to you as role models, therefore it is important for you to connect with them physically, psychologically and emotionally. This will help them grow up to become competent and secure adults in the future.

References:

1. Collins.R.G. (1995).  Family Shock: families on the fault line. Wheaton, Illinois. Tydale House Publishers, Inc.

2. Blackwell Publishing Ltd. (2008, February 15). Children Who Have An Active Father Figure Have Fewer Psychological And Behavioral Problems. Retrieved August 10, 2010

3. Life Coaches For Kids. Retrieved August 10, 2010.

4. Mathew Mathews (personal communication, August 15, 2010)

About the Author: The DadsforLife Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads