5 March 2011 – Gracing the Paya Lebar Methodist Girls’ School (PLMGS) (Secondary) Parents' Conference 2011, Guest of Honour, Senior Minister of State for Foreign Affairs and Member of Parliament for Aljunied GRC, Mr Zainul Abidin Rasheed, congratulated the approximately 300 participants for their passion and enthusiasm for their calling as parents.

This, he said, was demonstrated by their commitment to attend a parenting conference on a Saturday afternoon.

Parenting is Like Gardening

Mr Zainul Abidin Rasheed, a father of four adult children, aged 27 to 33, likened parenting to gardening. He described that the process of parenting is a similar to tending a garden –it is a lovely but challenging nonetheless.

To further illustrate the point, Mr Zainul Abidin Rasheed asked the parents to find out from their children about how they defined love. He suggested that the answers to such a question would usually describe positive feelings. However, he pointed out that in marriage and parenthood, there will be stormy periods to pull through.

Therefore, parents need to understand that true love is a decision that they have to make. And, as it is a decision, true love requires each individual to check and master his own will.

Concluding, the Senior Minister of State said, "Parenting is something that most of us enter into relatively unprepared… (but) love covers up a multitude of our own parental failings.” It was a fitting conclusion, given the theme of the conference – Leaving a Legacy of Love.

For making the conference possible, he also thanked the host, Member of Parliament for Aljunied GRC, Mdm Cynthia Phua, and the Principal of Paya Lebar Methodist School (Secondary), Ms Pamela Yoong.

Nurturing Family Relationships

The first item on the programme was a play about a family struggling with financial and relational difficulties. “The Greatest Gift of All”, presented by The Voice, opens with a couple raising their daughter, Janice, to be a diligent, achievement-oriented and capable person.

The next scene shows Janice in her teens; her mother has fallen ill, but her businessman dad is unable to help out at home. As such, the academically gifted girl finds herself having to help out with domestic chores, a situation she resents.

She writes a bill to her parents for the hardship and “humiliation” that she feels for having to shop for groceries on her own. Subsequently, Janice’s parents respond to her with a bill of their own. For all the sacrifices they have to make as parents, they charge a grand total of $0.

In the process, Janice learns that although many things in life seem to come with a price tag, the very most valuable ones come as gifts of love.

The play traces the journey of the family as they go through the challenges of financial hardship. They are served an eviction notice and the dad suffers from age-related health issues. In time, however, Janice rises to professional prominence, manages to pay off the bills, fight the eviction and even hire a domestic helper.

What Janice is not prepared for is the fact that money cannot solve all their problems. Eventually, caring for her father at home becomes too difficult for even her mother and their domestic helper. Though it is a painful decision, Janice commits her dad into the care of a nursing home.

At the nursing home, Janice who struggles with relating to her dad, notices a young man, about her age, visiting his father daily. After several encounters, she asks him why he is so patient and determined in caring for his father. Through this, she learns, finally, that unconditional love is not just the greatest gift, but one worth returning.

The play ends with reconciliation in Janice’s family. It is characterised by truly loving relationships; Janice is able to really care for her dad and the family is more close-knit.

Children Blossom in Their Dads’ Love

With the play providing much food for thought, the parents in the audience moved on to having some refreshments, before proceeding to attend the various workshops scheduled for the day.

Mr Jason Wong of the Dads for Life Secretariat conducted one of the eight workshops at the conference, titled “A Father’s Love”, which examined fatherly love from several viewpoints, including:

1. The nature of a ‘typical’ Asian father

2. A father’s provision to his children

3. What all fathers should value

4. The role of protector

5. Reinforcing the message that “Fathers matter”

While the messages were fundamentally serious, videos were used to deliver the key points in a humorous, touching and memorable way. Laughs were accompanied by many ‘A-ha!’ moments. The dads clearly enjoyed the workshop.

The first video which was featured, left participants in stitches. Mr Wong used this memorable skit on a father's expectations of his child to communicate the impact of using labels. He highlighted the dangers of using negative labels, such as a “Failure”, on children.

At the same time, Mr Wong balanced the warning against using negative labels with a message of hope: Even people who have been negatively labeled in the past, can still rise above their circumstances to achieve totally unexpected heights.

He cited the example of Kelvin Soh, a reformed drug addict, whose story has touched the lives and hearts of many. Kelvin, a former halfway house inmate, defied all labels to turn his life around. He has since, started a family, built a career in music, and won the respect and admiration of many.

Through another four video presentations, dads in attendance had the chance to understand the various forms of fatherly love. They also had time to reflect on some key questions. They included:

• What kind of home do your children come home to? (the importance of dads providing a safe haven for their kids)

• Imagine losing your family, what would you do differently if you had the chance?

• What kinds of external forces today do your children have to deal with? (how dads need to protect their kids)

• How do your children mirror your behaviour and attitudes?

Mr Wong concluded the session with the findings of research done internationally and in Singapore. These studies conclude that, “Fathers matter”; in other words, fathers are significant in their children’s lives.

He left the workshop with the video, Voices of Our Little Ones, which features children talking about their dads. Many of the children clearly regarded their dad as their hero. Mr Wong reinforced this, “If fathers are not heroes to our children, then they will look to someone else to be their hero.”

With the conference programme, rich in content, many dads went home that day contemplating about their purpose and position in their children’s lives. As dads turn their hearts to their children, they are transformed into their children’s great heroes, for life.

About the Author: The DadsforLife Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads.