If there is one word to describe the Dads for Life Conference 2011 it would be "fun". But it was also characterised by learning. Fellow fathers who gathered shared a sense of camaraderie, taking in vital lessons together amidst much laughter as stories about being in the trenches of parenthood were swapped onstage, in conversations and online.

Keynote Speaker Dr Ken Canfield provided fathers with tools to assess their level of attachment to their kids, and how to be more involved in their children’s lives.

At the same time, the day’s event was packed with rip-roaring laughter with its panel of local speakers, who were more than ready to bring on self-deprecating humour to bring out important truths about fathering.

Budak Pantai, the five member singing group -four of whom are dads- provided the perfect foil for the afternoon’s event with their wacky medley of songs to celebrate fatherhood.

Dr. Ken Canfield, Keynote Speaker at the Dads for Life Conference 2011	Budak Pantai putting in a special appearance

Building Connections through Conversations

With over 1000 participants gathered at Suntec Convention Centre Ballrooms 1 and 2 on 27 May 2011 at 2.30pm, Mr Brian Richmond, radio personality and sports commentator, started the ball rolling by extending a warm welcome to the mostly-dad audience.

In his opening address, Mr Richard Seow, chairman of the Fathers Action Network, explained that the Dads for Life movement is a platform to get fathers to think about their role as co-parents, and provides the skills and knowledge to help them fulfil this role.

Mr Seow believes that the joys of fatherhood lie in the connections fathers forge with their children, “These connections are built through one thought, one act and one conversation at a time.”

He then introduced the newly launched ‘Knowing Me, Knowing You’ card packs that were handed out at the event. The cards, designed to help dads to overcome father-child communication barriers, contain conversation starters and inspirational thoughts on fatherhood.

Keynote Address: A Father’s Ability and Willingness to be Involved

When Dr Canfield, founder and former president of the National Center for Fathering in the United States, took the stage, he acknowledged the mothers and grandmothers at the event.

He emphasised the need for fathers to show civil respect towards their spouses even during times of disagreement. “This is one of the traits of effective fathers because it shows that you are giving in for a greater good,” said Dr Canfield.

At the same time, Dr Canfield said that it is important that mothers do not undermine the influence of the father. “The partnership that is developed as a result of intentional proactive marriage will benefit your children,” he said.

Dr Canfield spoke extensively about a father’s ability and willingness to be attached to his children, because research has shown that involvement fatherhood has far-reaching benefits.

Men who are more involved in their children’s lives tend to adopt less risky behaviour. They are also more intentional in developing relationships and have different priorities compared to men who are not as involved in their children’s lives.

Children with attached fathers have increased cognitive confidence, more empathy, better self-esteem, and are less susceptible to peer pressure.

To encourage men to continue pondering on how to be an effective dad, Dr Canfield summed up his talk with the ICANs of fathering. ICAN stands for:

• Involvement – How much time are you giving and applying?

• Consistency – Have you fulfilled those promises, made those commitments, and followed through?

• Awareness – If you remain naive and unaware, the opportunity for failure or something tragic occurs more frequently.

• Nurturance – The touch, the approachability, and closeness.

Local Panel Discussion: Learning Amidst Laughter

As the audience pondered over the wealth of information that had been presented, the panel of local fathers were invited up onstage. They included Mr Sheik Haikel, rapper, actor and radio personality; Mr R Chandran, founder-director of Act 3 Theatrics; Mr Norman Kee, father of three sons with autism spectrum disorders to varying degrees; Mr Mark Richmond, radio personality and sports commentator; and Mr Brian Richmond.

Lively dialogue spiced up the discussion as the local personalities inspired the audience with their practical fathering experiences, laced with more-than-your-regular doses of humour. Nonetheless, it was balanced with endearing anecdotes of strong father-child bonding.

Even the way by which the men were seated created a strong visual reminder of how meaningful the father-child relationship could be. With his father next to him, Mark spoke of Brian’s ability to bring humour into their everyday interactions, while Sheik Haikel spoke of how he looked up to R. Chandran as a father-figure.

Mr Kee, a former secondary school teacher, has left the teaching service to teach his three sons. “I’ve moved away from mainstream education towards special education. I need to find out about the developments at the forefront (of education) and about what can be done to help my children.”

Mr Kee believes in taking a proactive approach to make things happen. He adopts Nike’s “Just-Do-It” attitude as he often has to learn about fathering on the fly.

Resources for Dads

Mr Win Maw Han, 26, a commercial executive and father to a six month-old boy, found the keynote message and local panel discussion to be helpful. He said that the most important lesson learnt was the need to demonstrate acts of love towards his wife in the presence of his son

Various booths were set up at the event to further equip fathers in their roles. The National Library Board (NLB) gave out free reading materials, including NLB’s 10,000 and More Fathers Reading! Takes and Reading Tips by Fathers for Fathers.

Ms Evelyn Quek, an associate with the Reading Initiatives at the NLB, explained their involvement, saying, “We are encouraging bonding between fathers, grandfathers and fathers-to-be with their children, via reading and literacy related activities.” Since NLB started the 10,000 Fathers Reading initiative in 2007, there has been an increase in the number of fathers and father-figures reading with children at public libraries.

Centre for Fathering (Singapore) were on hand to speak to dads interested in finding out about their training programmes, and to sell a book written by Dr Canfield.

At another booth, dads were encouraged to join the DFL movement online via Facebook and Twitter.

The Difference a Dad Makes

In a fast-changing society that trends towards materialism and career success, the challenges to responsible fathering are many. Yet, with the necessary skills, commitment and support, fathers can be a make-or-break difference in the lives of their children today and their children’s children tomorrow.

About the Author: The Dads for Life Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads.