News & Events 
12 March 2011 - On a Saturday afternoon, a group of fathers and their children gathered at the Rainbow Centre at Margaret Drive School for a memorable time together. Funded by Dads for Life, conducted by the Centre for Fathering and organised by Margaret Drive School, the event was a workshop that encouraged bonding between fathers and their children with special needs.
After a quick round of introductions and games to “break the ice”, the workshop began with an activity to build trust. Dads guided their child through an obstacle course by giving them verbal instructions. Using only use their voices to lead the children, the dads tried their best not to physically support them.
Some of the more adventurous dads even opted to blindfold their children for the activity. The idea was to instill independence them, while they had the assurance of their father’s presence. Three obstacle courses were set up and dads could choose which one they wanted their child to go through. There was an obstacle course designed for children on wheelchairs, and the other two came with differing difficulty levels. Some parts of the obstacle courses required kids to crawl under tables and balance on planks of wood.
Throughout the activity, shouts of joy could be heard from the children while their fathers gave them stern but specific instructions on how to navigate the obstacle course.
“I thought this activity helped me to understand the role of a father. The experience showed me how we need to show our care,” said Mr Liew Teck Fah. “I’m very proud of my son. I thought he would not be confident, but he was even willing to be blindfolded after the second round of the obstacle course.” At the end of the activity, the fathers gathered to share with each other about difficulties faced in bringing up a child with special needs. They spoke about the struggles and challenges encountered in their daily lives.
One of the issues brought up by dads was about taking time out of their busy schedules to spend time with their kids. Said Mr Sam Tan, “It’s difficult to find a balance between work and taking care of your child. In most cases, when you have time off from work, you’re already too tired.” Another common challenge that fathers faced was communicating with their child.“Our communication is okay when I’m trying to get information from my child. But, it’s difficult when I try to communicate about feelings. The ability to have two-way communication is one of the struggles I face,” shared Mr Lam Yue Kwai. Sometimes, Mr Lam relies on pictures or writing to communicate with his 10-year-old son, Jun Hoe. “It’s about doing your part even though the response is not what you want,” Mr Lam added. Other fathers like Mr Tan Choon Lye, also shared about their day-to-day struggles. His son, Vince, suffers from autism and is also hyperactive. “It’s a big challenge,” Mr Tan explained. “It’s very difficult to get him to calm down. Whenever he is unhappy, he will shout, and people will stare. Taking public transport is an issue as well, even if it’s taking a cab. (Therefore) I usually just bring him to the playground.”
Starting the fire was a tricky business. Some fathers could be seen trying to light the fire starters in vain while others concentrated on stacking the charcoal for the optimum cooking experience. The children helped by fanning the fire with paper plates and others offered water to their fathers. It was a joy to see the children enjoying a special moment with their fathers, eating the food that they cooked together.
After a satisfying meal and meaningful time together, the workshop resumed with some light hearted activities. Children stood behind a board with only their bare feet visible for their fathers to identify. In another game, when some of the children’s belongings were placed on a mat for their father to identify. There was laughter all around when some fathers mistook another child’s belongings for their child’s. In the final activity, the fathers hid behind a board while the children sat down on the floor. The aim of the activity was for children to recognise their father’s voice when he called out, “I love you.”
When asked about the workshop, Mr Din Zainal said, “I think it’s very good because it gives me a chance to be close to my daughter. Otherwise, I would have to concentrate on my other kids as well,” The father of four added, “It’s the first time I’m interacting with other parents (of students in the school) too.”
Said Mr Suen Kwong Wong from the Center for Fathering, “These father-child bonding workshops create opportunities that facilitate father-child communication through specially designed activities. It’s a good platform to learn from other fathers and their child’s friends, while experiencing a community of fathers and their support.”
“For fathers with special needs children, this is especially important. It also gives, them a chance to spend one on one time with that child,” added Mr Suen.
Although many enjoyed the workshop, a majority of the fathers felt that more could be done to help children of special needs. Mr James Ong was one of them. “Perhaps a social support structure can be developed to help them find jobs in the future. I’m not sure whether commercial enterprises will accept them,” said Mr Ong.
Mr Rahim Shah also voiced his concerns, “I think there should be more resources to educate the public. People should learn to see our kids as normal people.”
Despite difficulties faced by these fathers, it is evident that their love for their children is still as strong, if not, strengthened. Mr Din Zainal summed it up nicely when he said, “Most importantly if there’s love, there shouldn’t be any problem.”
About the Author: The Dads for Life Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads.
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