I Became a Dad!

September 4, 2001, at 17 minutes past midnight – that's when it happened. It was messy. it was bloody and my wife looked like she was about to slip into a coma. But it was inevitable - and I became a dad!

My first-born, Keiran, came into the world. Childbirth is violent. And for months I had been reading about how wonderful the process was and what an enlightening experience it would be for first-time couples. Man, they really put one over us.

My wife came close to breaking my fingers during labour. The amazing thing for me was that despite the pain, the blood - and everything else that flowed out of my wife - all of that is forgotten when you see this beautiful child (well not beautiful at first, I mean he was covered from head to toe in blood. It felt like something out of fright night! He looked pretty good after they cleaned him up).

Being There for Him

I was in awe when I first held him. "I'm going to be a great dad," I told myself. I was thinking of all the things I was going to do with him and all that I was going to teach him. I'm an early childhood education professional; I had worked with children for many years, as well as with their parents - "this can't be that difficult!" I told myself. Foolish words from a foolish man.

The crying, the lack of sleep, the colic, the dirty diapers that make you want to regurgitate all that you ate, the lack of sleep... oh I said that already didn't I? "What was I thinking?" I started to wonder.

Yet all I wanted to do was hold him and be there for him. I could not understand how I kept going back to the one thing I was trying to get away from - one of life's paradoxes. I actually was in love with this little person whose goals in life seemed to be to eat, sleep, defecate and scream his lungs out all day long.

As cute as he was, I was getting a little impatient after a while. I wanted to do "daddy" things with him, read to him, kick a ball, run in the playground, teach him all about Star Wars (I'm a huge fan!) and Jedi light-sabre duels. All he wanted to do was live off his mother's breasts. I actually felt a bit jealous that he wanted his mother more. Pathetic, but true.

Then finally he started to crawl - and I went running like Chicken Licken*, as if the sky was falling! "He might fall and bump his head!" or "The wires! Get him away from the wires! He'll electrocute himself!"

He was taking a keener interest in the environment around him and trying to make discoveries about the world he was living in. And I found myself wishing he was a new­born again. The fear of him getting hurt or injuring himself almost drove me insane. (And my paranoia almost drove my wife insane.)

Doing "Daddy" Things

Of course, he never electrocuted himself or incurred any form of head trauma. But he did continue to grow and become stronger, in body and mind. He made my wishes come true. I was able to read to him while he listened and participated actively (even now he will not let me go to bed without reading to him first. What doubles that joy is the fact that he reads to me too!).

I'm able to kick a ball and run around with him; he has become an even bigger fan of Star Wars than I will ever be (he knows every aspect of it, from Episode 1 to Episode 6) and we have had a number of light-sabre duels over the years.

He talks to me about everything he experiences and is always full of ideas about how things are or can be; he is always thirsting to know more. It's wonderful and exhausting at the same time.

Fatherhood Enriched My Life

Through Keiran, I discovered the process of fatherhood and it has enriched my life, and I'm only guessing that there are more adventures and misadventures to come. I feel nervous sometimes thinking about what the future will be like for him and me. But at the same time, I am looking forward to it.

In fact, because of Keiran, I became willing to go through the "mayhem and madness" all over again; and on June 17, 2006 at 8.24pm, my wife Michelle gave birth to our second son, Ian. Was it easier the second time around? Absolutely not!

But Keiran prepared me well; better than any book on child development I've read. Through him I've learnt to take things in stride and not be so uptight and paranoid. And I'm still learning.

I'm not the best father in the world, but I am blessed with two of the best sons any father could ask for and I cannot imagine life without them. And I have to remind myself to let them know that every single day.

 

*Chicken Licken is a character from a children’s book

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About the Author: William Royston, 42, is a senior teacher at Chiltern House Childcare Centre. He was Pre-school Teacher of the Year in 2007. William is married to Michelle, and they have two boys. Keiran, 9 and Ian, 4.

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