Home is Where the Heart is

Having moved from Oregon six years ago, Tony Nash has since made Singapore a second home for him and his family. Unlike other expatriate families who may stay two to three years and leave, the Nashes have made a conscious effort to embrace a full experience here and do not restrict themselves to an ‘expat enclave’.

They try to integrate within their host country as much as possible, and it looks like they are set for the long haul.

Even their beautiful home bears testimony that the Nash household embraces the West meets East philosophy – tastefully decorated in modern, oriental and rustic Indonesian styles. But look a little closer, and you realise the focal point of the living room is the collection of baby toys on the living room floor.

Life has become sweeter for Tony, 38, his wife and fellow American, Amy, and their biological children –eight year old fraternal twins- Jacob and Vivianne (who, by the way, go to local schools) since their latest family addition, Baby Samuel.

Creating a Bigger & More Colourful Family Tree

Inspired by their Christian faith to help others, and having come from America where fostering is relatively common, Tony and Amy discovered through a friend that they could help a child in need of a temporary home.

Soon they were in touch with Sanctuary House, a local Voluntary Welfare Organisation that provides crisis pregnancy services and specialised family education programmes.

After a successful application interview with the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports, the Nashes fostered a Singaporean-Chinese baby between September 2008 and May 2009.

The experience brought lots of joy to the Nash household and when there was new opportunity to take care of another child later in the year, they did not hesitate to take on Samuel, a six-month old Singaporean-Indian adoptee, as one of their own.

“People say the children we bring into our home are blessed but we say that it is we who receive the blessings,” beamed the loving Mum.

It was actually Amy’s suggestion to adopt Samuel but Tony fully supported it because they have both always wanted a bigger family. It was a shared vision and both wanted the adorable Baby Samuel to be a part of their family.

This open line of communication and strong and equal partnership in co-parenting was also evident in how Amy and Tony engaged Samuel, as each took turns during the interview to, hold, cuddle him and play with, while he gurgled endlessly with pleasure.

Debunking the Myth that Dads are Meaner & Tougher

The couple tries to ensure that their children are raised in a loving home where scolding and criticism are avoided.

Tony insists, “If expectations are clearly set, children will know what behaviours are acceptable and which ones aren’t. And should they get out of line, there are other forms of discipline like getting the children to reflect on their mistake and writing an essay on it.”

This approach to discipline is almost expected from bespectacled and bearded Tony, who has an unmistakable air of gentleness and wisdom about him that one may associate with a kindly college professor. Except that Tony is the research director for a global media and research firm.

Like many dads, balancing a busy job and active family life can sometime pose a challenge. However, it was clear throughout the interview that Tony endeavours to show each of his children how much he values them, giving them his time and attention.

He allowed Jacob to jump on his back and hang on for as long as his son wanted to. And shared in Vivianne’s excitement when she came rushing to inform him of the free passes they had received to the Sentosa Luge, a favourite family activity.

Of course, there are other highlights in their special family time, like their hikes up Bukit Timah, running and cycling sessions, and trips to Sungei Buloh and Pulau Ubin.

But as Amy revealed, it is probably the regular, seemingly insignificant activities that will be long remembered by the children, such as Tony sending Jacob and Vivianne to the bus stop for school at 6 am every morning, and reading to them before bedtime.

Such routines for parent-child bonding take love, dedication and discipline, but as Tony recognises, go the distance in anchoring family and fatherhood, beyond place and biology.

 

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About the Author: The DadsforLife Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads.

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