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The Adoption
“I felt safe in his arms,” Timothy describes being in his dad’s embrace. “I also remember lying on his belly.”
From what Timothy relates about his growing up years, one could say that Michael came to his son’s life and chose never to leave. In fact, Michael really had to hold on tight through the turbulent teen years when Timothy seemed to be veering away from the values Michael had taught him and into delinquency.
The Teenage Years
Timothy recalls, “I didn’t do well in school, and was often outside the Headmistress’ office.” From age 13, he drank, smoked marijuana and rode his motorbike recklessly –he was once even summoned to court for it.
All this was happening despite the fact that Timothy grew up in a secure home with two stable and reliable parents. Life was just happening at a pace that was too fast for his young body and mind to manage.
At 16, Timothy attended culinary school and worked in restaurants. Living on his own, he had the freedom to do a lot of things his way. Although he was always mindful of what his parents stood for, he says, “I went against what I had been taught, but I knew it when I was going against it. I was aware.”
Timothy remembers that the teen years were characterised by screaming matches between Michael and he because back then, he felt strongly that his dad did not understand him. Now, he knows it was because his dad really cared.
“Dad, I Need Help.”
Things came to a head at 21 when Timothy got hold of Michael on the phone one day and said, “Dad, I need help.”
“I knew instinctively to call my dad,” says Timothy. “I needed male input in my life.”
For one year after that phone call, Timothy and Michael met every morning before starting work each day. Timothy recalls with gratefulness how his dad would drive him from home to the restaurant, even though it was not a short distance away.
Michael’s willingness to allow Timothy to show his emotions and talk things through, built a deepening trust between the two.
Be Emotionally Connected
“You need to be emotionally connected with your children, especially your son when he is going through the teenage years,” adds Timothy. He explains that, oftentimes, teenagers are simply trying to cope, and “don’t really know what’s happening at that time.” But, the teenagers eventually understand when they come out of it.
Giving Back
Throughout Timothy’s growing years, Michael had always been the one to go to Timothy. But in 1998 when Michael, then working in Indonesia, flew in to Singapore for cancer treatment, it was Timothy who left England to be by his side.
Timothy has remained in Singapore ever since. He has recently opened his own restaurant and as an employer, hopes to help at-risk youth to learn skills in the food and beverage industry.
Having observed his parents demonstrate love by caring for the needs of people they work with, Timothy has good role models to follow after. In addition, his parents’ actions are a constant reminder of his father’s commitment to him. He says, “I know my dad loves me. I was adopted. He chose to love me.”
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When dealing with delinquency, look beyond the behaviour. The action of at-risk teens can be highly distressing for dads, but it is really an indication of a deeper need and a cry for help that teens struggle to express. Do not give up, help find their niche in life. Have a thought or insight? Read more and talk on this Theme here! |
About the Author: The Dads for Life Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads.
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