Lessons from My Dad

It sounds good, and it’s easy to pay lip-service and applaud the various efforts to promote the Dads for Life Fathering Movement. But when a man is approached to give an impromptu interview on his relationship with his children, and the impact of his own father’s life on his, the stories which emerge can be honest and touching.

Site supervisor Philip Tan, 43, watched contentedly as the crowds passed by during his lunch break on 19 November 2009 at Raffles Place when a volunteer came by to give him a DadsforLife toolkit.

“Good, I find this good!” said Philip. He was referring to both the DadsforLife toolkit as well as the  campaign to create awareness of a father’s vital role in the family.

“My own father was very strict, the ‘old-style’ type. He didn’t spend much time with us children,” Philip said as a matter of fact. “Although our relationship was not very good, I learnt most of my life-skills from my father. He taught us ‘zenyang zuoren’ (how to be an upright person) by his own life as an example.”

Lessons on Integrity, Compassion & Loyalty

Although his father did not talk much to Philip and his siblings when they were young, the patriarch was able to convey invaluable lessons on integrity, compassion and loyalty to his children.

“My mother suffered mental problems when we were very little, but I can still recall how my father took care of her and all of us without grumbling,” said Philip.

On the role of fathers then and now, Philip made this observation: “The old-style was very strict. Now, (fathers are) too protective. In the old days, children have too little say. Nowadays, they have too much freedom!”

Keeping Loved Ones Close

So what is Philip’s personal fathering style? “Not easy… I try my best lah,” he laughs. “I don’t have much time with them. When I’m home, I’d play with them… reading, play house, go cycling. I have two girls, five and seven. But still not so easy.”

What is most challenging so far? “When my girls are able to talk back and they want their own ways,” Philip grinned. It helps that his wife is happy to be a stay-home mum looking after their daughters.

When asked, Philip promptly whipped out his wallet and showed me photographs of his wife, his daughters and even his parents! Now here’s a man who keeps his loved ones close to him at all times indeed!

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