In the DadsforLife Blog Contest Competition, 11-year old Sabariesh Ilankathir, one of the top 15 winners in the primary school section, shared about how his dad, Ilankathir Dandapani, encouraged him to persevere through difficult times. Here, Ilankathir shares his response to the blog entry and about his journey as a dad.

My Son’s Blog Entry about Me

I vividly remember the day when my wife, with a beaming smile, asked me to read what Sabariesh wrote for a blog contest. It was about how he related to me. I started reading it, with a prejudiced mind that this was another typical episode of a proud mother showcasing her son’s talent.

However, within moments, tears streamed from my eyes and I choked up. I do not know why my emotions overwhelmed me, but it was certainly eye-opening to realise the emotional roller coaster that children go through for reasons probably insignificant to many of us. I felt very sad to see the extent of the pressure Sabariesh brought upon himself.

After I composed myself, I asked Sabariesh in a lighthearted manner whether I had indeed said those encouraging words to him. He firmly responded with, “Yes Daddy.”

Sabariesh added, “I always remember them as it really meant a lot to me.”

It made me very proud and deeply satisfied to hear that from my son.

My Son & I

My bond with Sabariesh is quite interesting. He has little fear of me, and yet has never taken advantage of it. He always approaches me with a lot of respect and sympathy. And he appreciates me for whatever I do. That reflects precisely the way my brother and I behave towards our father. Sabariesh apparently learnt it early on in life.

Sabariesh exercises such self-discipline that even I, would want to learn from him. He always plans ahead and gets things done on time. He does not succumb to impulses. He is careful about what he eats as he does not want it to affect his health.

He is also prudent about how much he spends and without much fuss will refuse to buy a costly item even if he likes it. And he refrains from buying things which he may find becoming redundant later. As parents, we are proud of him, and such character traits make our life easy.

Sabariesh is very obedient, and will mostly do what we ask him to. To the extent that my wife and I are concerned about whether he sacrifices his simple pleasures, just to obey us. Because of this, my wife and I make extra effort to understand what he wants before we suggest anything to him.

Values My Children & I Hold On To

We have two children; Sabariesh is 11, and his sister is 17. At this stage of their lives, I would like them to focus on character development. First, I would like them to accept themselves as they are, to realise that they are unique, and believe that they can succeed in their chosen field.

Such acceptance would give them enormous confidence. I strongly believe that this would in turn, guide them to practise humility, respect others, overcome shyness, communicate well, as well as be happy and peaceable.

Second, I want my children to identify an area of interest and focus their energy towards achieving their best in it. That will help them spend their time and energy effectively.

We often discuss things like the Abundance Theory, which states that there are so many opportunities in the world that everyone can get a part of it as long as they make a sincere effort to follow their own dreams.

As Stephen Covey recommends in his book 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People', I often urge them to think about what they want to be (character) and do (contribution and achievement). Through the years, I have observed that they have been able to internalise good values such as honesty, which translates into habits that will remain with them for a long time.

All I intend to do, as father, is to guide my children, and be a good support in their hour of need.

What's Satisfying about Being a Dad? - Watching My Kids Grow Up

In the meantime, my children are growing up fast. These days, they correct me on the proper way to pronounce a word. To them, Daddy is a great and hardworking guy; but there is always an underlying feeling that he not good at identifying colours. Or Daddy doesn't understand the nuances of certain things, and such.

All this makes me realise, "Yes, my kids have grown up."

I have also recently begun to enjoy something new: witnessing their growth spurts. Suddenly, they are standing tall next to me. First they aim to be taller than their mother, and the next target is Daddy. I am sure they will go on to see when they can earn more (money) than Daddy.

Every small step my children take to grow and accomplish in life, and the happiness that comes along with it, is what I consider the most satisfying aspect about being a dad.

What's Challenging about Being a Dad? –  I'm Growing Too

Being a dad does come with its challenges. The first came in the early years, as my children wanted to play rough games with me - fortunately on the bed - we had pillow fights. Teaching them to cycle was even harder. I had to run behind them for hours. Finally, I got some help from my father who still had a few tricks left in him. The kids were soon cycling without much problem.

At this stage, however, it is different. As much as I want my kids to accept themselves as they are, the biggest challenge I face today is ironically, for me to accept them as they are.

When my daughter was in primary school, I had the “not so good habit” of asking her who got top marks in class, denting her confidence in the process. I am slowly growing up and at least I avoid asking my son such things.

It’s also a challenge is to give my children unconditional love. At times, when they are not at their best behaviour, I tend to go, “I do so much for you but you still misbehave.” I wish to overcome this as whatever I do for them is (and should be) out of my true love for them, and should not be linked to their behavior patterns.

Similarly, probably because of my shyness, it does not come naturally for me to openly express my appreciation or love. Thanks to my good wife, my grey hair and some great books, I am learning to express my sincere feelings to my children a little bit more freely now.

Fatherhood – A Gift of True Joy

I consider it a great gift to be a father.

In a TV programme more than ten years ago, Mrs Meenatchi Sabapathi, a Mediacorp TV personality, said that she left her dream job to focus full time on bringing up her children because she was convinced that putting a concerted effort into raising good citizens who would positively contribute to society was indeed a great service that she could do for her community and nation.

I strongly believe being a father has given me that kind of opportunity, and I am going to make full use of it.

With all the responsibilities and emotional stress I have to undergo together with my children for whatever happens to them, it still gives me a purpose in my life and keeps me going.

On being a father, I would like to borrow the words of Bernard Shaw, “This is the true joy in my life – that being used for a purpose recognised by yourself as a mighty one”. Yes, this (fatherhood) is a mighty purpose for me and I cherish every moment of it.

 

Submit your own dad story here and we will do our best to publish it.

---

About the Author: Ilankathir Dandapani is married to Sangeetha. They are parents to Sabariesh, 11, one of the top 15 winners for the DadsforLife Blog Contest, and Srruthi, 17. As a family, they like to travel and explore new places.

---

Back to Listing