Source: DadsforLife

Alfred:

I would like to describe my fathering journey as flying a kite. There are three simple stages in flying a kite: take off, letting go and holding on.

Take off refers to the time when you prepare to fly the kite. For many of us, it’s where we spend the most time. This is also when the kite is closest to you.

..at this stage…you are doing a lot of work: the fine-tuning and adjustments, to make sure the kite is ready to take off.

When the kite takes off, it is the time to let go. If you don’t let go of the string, the kite will never take off.

Those of us who like to fly kites, recognise that from time to time we need to pull back; (as a father) this is where you set your boundaries.

But the important part is not the pulling back, but the letting go. You have to keep letting go in order for the kite to go higher.

Finally what happens is that you come to the end of your string. Do you let go? No.

You hold on…holding to the end of the string is a picture of what it means to be a dad for life.

At the end of the day, this is the point when the kite is the furthest away from you. This is when you’ll find the most joy, and it’s also when you do the least work, because you are just holding on.

Brian:

Well, I’ve got two “old men”. It’s my 40^th [wedding] anniversary this year. My eldest boy is 39 years old. My second boy is 35.

When the three of us together, you can’t tell who’s the father and who’s the son. My wife, when she is introducing us, says, “My three children.”

I’ve always loved children, and when I had my own. I just enjoyed playing with them. So we bonded from (the time the children were) very young.

We spoke a common language. I was into sports. They of course became big sports fans.

I was into music, and they of course picked up everything that I enjoyed.

So we have a common language, even till today whether it’s (about) music or sports, there’s always something to talk about.

We may even argue. My son is big fan of Liverpool, (while) I’m a big fan of Chelsea. So can you imagine what happens on a Saturday night?

When Chelsea is losing, my son is making fun of me. And when Liverpool is down, I will be gloating.

…we’ve grown up that way so there’s no generation gap whatsoever.

Adrian:

For me, I constantly found a challenge trying to juggle that with being a father and an actor… (being an actor)…it’s a very self-absorbed kind of occupation. But once you become a father, you are forced to give that up.

You have no choice. It’s part of the 'contract' of being a father. It’s all in the 'fine print'…

…people say the rules of the game change when you become a father. I think not only the rules change, but the whole game changes.

Your life is not the same anymore. As an actor…you get told where to stand, where to look, what to say. Your job is scripted for you.

As a father, there is no script. I just find myself improvising every day. Trying to make up the rules as I go along.

And I truly believe my two sons are probably teach me more than I am teaching them on a daily basis; because they are opening my eyes to look at the world and my life, and see myself with fresh eyes.

…and I really believe my kids have given me meaning in my life. That’s why I have a tattoo on my shoulder of my two sons’ names ‘cos I AM their dad for life.

Patrick:

I have three children. My children are 9, 7 and 5. And basically there was no instruction manual when I became a father at age 27. When you buy a TV, it comes with an instruction manual, but when you become a father…(there’s isn’t any)

…The first thing (about becoming a dad) was a total change in lifestyle. What you did in the past, you can’t do anymore now as a father…

…My wife and I have made a lot of sacrifices for the kids, but we know it’s never enough…we bring up our children to the best of our abilities, and more importantly, to ensure the happiness of our children - that’s our number one priority.

Hassan:

I am a father of three. I just told Adrian Pang (fellow panelist) that I am losing hair this year.

My eldest is 18 years old, taking his ‘A‘ Levels.  My youngest son is taking his PSLE. Luckily my daughter is 15. If she is 16 and taking her ‘O’ Levels, I’d (be too stressed and) not be here today (as a panelist)

But, as a father, I would rather lose my hair than not be there for my kids.

2.  What values do you wish to impart to your children?