Learning about parenting

LESLIE Tay, doctor, food blogger and father of 2 has just completed a 6-month parenting course at the recommendation of a friend.

"I wish I had attended the course earlier. It's not that I was a bad father, but it's like using Microsoft Windows for your PC. Although you've been using it well, someone comes along and shows you the shortcuts. Wouldn't you wish you had known these shortcuts all along?

All of us are not trained to be parents. I was not trained to be a father. Books may teach you how to feed and bathe a baby, but there are other things like teaching, disciplining... we're all thrown into parenthood without any preparation. That is why I was glad I finally went for the course. My wife and I attended every Saturday for six months!"

Loving Mum first

Not only does he attend parenting courses, he helps his children feel an innate sense of security by constantly demonstrating his love and commitment towards their mother i.e. his wife.

"Ideally, men should not begin to father children until they have committed to loving their Mum. Children feel safe and secure when they have a Mum and a Dad who are committed to each other for life. I've heard of children not being able to sleep at night because they fear that their parents may separate or divorce. Parents should not revolve their lives around their children either. Rather, children should be taught that the family unit is made up of Mom and Dad; and that they are merely attachments to the family unit; and that some day, they will grow up and leave home but their family unit i.e. Mum and Dad will not disintegrate.

I try to demonstrate to my children that I really love their Mum. We would go on dates and the children would want to come along but I would say to them, "No, this is Mummy and Daddy's time together." I often kiss my wife in front of my kids, they'll go "Eek!" but I do it anyway!""Leslie is not just passionate about loving his children by loving their Mum, he is passionate about building good relationships with them too. This can be seen in the way he makes time for personal one-to-one bonding with each child.

Forging bonds with the kids

"In our generation, we want to be close to our children and be their friends. Back in my father's days, it wasn't that way. I remember how my father would refer to my Grandma as Aunty instead of Mum because they lived with his Dad's elder brother who became the patriarch of the household and whose wife was acknowledged as Mum. They were not close to each other at all.

With my children, I try to forge a bond by doing things together. Since I have the afternoon off, I would take my son out to "go blogging with Dad". He has his own camera, we would snap photos of food for the blog. My children are involved in every project that I'm involved in. My daughter is in afternoon school though, we'll have to wait till next year before I could take her out on these afternoon excursions. I'm hoping to be able to take each child out on alternate days.

For now, my daughter and I make pasta together and she loves that very much. On weekends, we would go out together as a family."

Pride for the family

Leslie also helps his children feel a sense of pride towards their family.

"Put it this way. Imagine you are a CEO, you would need to get your staff to feel proud to be part of the company, right? It's the same with kids. Sometimes when we're driving out, I would casually comment, "Ahh I'm so glad to be in this family. Aren't you glad to be a Tay?!" They would cheer along. This weekend, we are participating in a treasure hunt competiton together and we're excited to belong to the same team."

Discipline matters

Besides lavishing love, attention and devotion towards his family, Leslie remains a strict disciplinarian.

"I am quite strict with my children. I do not condone defiance. They will need to respect authority figures when they are adults; society is built on the back of families, so the best way for them to learn that behaviour is through their family, now.

If my son were to spill a glass of milk by swiping it off the table, that would be carelessness. But if I had instructed him to move the glass of milk to the middle of the table so it doesn't spill, and he openly defies the instruction, he will be punished for the defiance."

On how he feels about being a Dad, "Children are such a joy to be with. I would never want to be a bachelor nor would I ever want to be married without kids!"

 

Submit your own dad story here and we will do our best to publish it.

---

About the Author: The Dads for Life Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads.

---

Back to Listing