Dr Ken Canfield, the keynote speaker for the Dads for Life (DFL) Conference 2011 on 27 May at the Suntec City Convention Centre, has taken on many roles in a gratifying life journey: Pioneer of a fatherhood initiative, Avid Learner on all things related to the topic, as well as - more crucially - Husband, Dad and Granddad. And, in these roles, there have been challenges to be overcome and accomplishments to be celebrated.

In an e-mail interview with The DFL Resource Team, Dr Canfield shares about reflecting on, persevering in, and enjoying oneself, in every stage of life, both professionally and personally. His hope is for all dads to appreciate the privilege of fatherhood, and to become acutely aware about the how important they are in their children lives. He also shares about what has been most challenging and satisfying for him as a dad of five children, and now as a granddad.

 

“…your role as a father is indeed one of the most important jobs you will ever have. And no one but you, can activate that role in the unique way which you are privileged to do.”

Dr Ken Canfield

 

What has the journey been like for you as the founder and past-president of National Center for Fathering (USA)?

Being the founder of the National Center for Fathering has been very gratifying.  Through my investment of 20 years I have been able watch culture, programming and the research literature become more responsive to fathers in general. There is considerable work to be done, yet we must celebrate what has been accomplished.

How would you encourage the men in the DFL movement to persevere in their endeavours?

The reality that there is a DFL movement is exciting.  Perhaps one of the greatest ways to identify the DFL accomplishments is to ask fathers, what are they doing differently or in greater measure when compared to their fathers or the fathers of the prior generation?

Moreover, what aspirations do the DFL fathers have for their children as they form families and become grandfathers?  This celebration can integrate both historical achievements and aspirational goals for the next generation.

I do believe the founders or leaders of any movement need to be honoured, thus it will be one of my goals to honour those leaders in Singapore when I am with you.

What are you busy with currently at the Boone Center for Family in Pepperdine University?

There is a renaissance in the research surrounding responsible fathering currently. The unique situations surrounding fatherhood are becoming more complex. The situations I am referring to include those faced by stepfathers, adoptive fathers, fathers of children with special needs, grandfathers fathering their grandchildren, incarcerated fathers, surrogate fathers, and the differences in fathering daughters compared to sons.

I have recently focused on fathering children through the adolescent years with particular attention to the different needs daughters have when compared to sons.

Share with us a key point which you hope that dads can take home from the DFL Conference?

If there is a key point which I wish all Singaporean fathers would understand, it is that your role as a father is indeed one of the most important jobs you will ever have.  And no one, but you can activate that role in the unique way which you are privileged to do.

In fulfilling that role, it is especially important to model right behaviors and the virtues of healthy living.  This includes behaviors that you hope your children will emulate as they mature.  They include your ethics, your integrity, and your interactions with their mother, your response when you are unfairly treated, self-control, humility and altruism.

In addition as you model these behaviors, being accessible and emotionally warm will endow your children with strengths which they will in turn sow into your grandchildren.

Few if any fathers I have known, when they mature in age and are reflecting back on their families say, “I wish I would have spent more time working,” or “I wish I acquired more hobbies.” More often they say, “I wish I would have been more proactive and thoughtful, investing more time in building a close relationship with my children.”

What has been most challenging and satisfying for you as a dad of five children, and now as a granddad?

In reflecting over my own fathering, I have had to come to realise there are some things I would do differently if I were to start over again.  There are no perfect fathers and we are all in that same boat.

I have found with the birth of grandchildren I have the opportunity to renew my fathering again; that is with the permission of my grandchildren’s parents.  Currently I am able to give guidance, help and support in those areas which I wish I would have done a better job with my children.

I find great joy and satisfaction in being with my grandchildren.  It is my favorite pastime, along with my wife Dee to interact, play games, listen to their ideas and just hang out with them.

We also love to give our children a break from the busyness of their parenting and host our grandchildren, or go care for them while their parents can get away and renew their marriage.

Editor’s Note: Albert Camus once said: “But what is happiness except the simple harmony between a man and the life he leads.” That is the quote which comes to mind in this interview with Dr Canfield on his professional and personal reflections on fatherhood.

 

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About the Author: The Dads for Life Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads.

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