Dressed in a simple, baby-blue-white striped shirt, Christian Choo, a soft-spoken and youthful-looking man in his 40s, stands tall but strikes as a humble, grounded man, as he eases into conversation with Dads for Life.

What Truly Matters

In late 2010, Christian initiated a community project encouraging people to take stock of their lives, by sharing in six words what truly mattered to them.

“Live Life, Love Life, Give Life” echoes his own philosophy.

Believing that each person has his calling, Christian Lives Life according to his own blueprint. Not wishing to traverse life constantly yearning for more, he Loves Life by being grateful for what he has.

The former corporate executive candidly admits that he used to travel so extensively for work until an “awakening moment” struck him, revealing how poorly he understood his children.

Feeling anguished for not having been a “good” dad, he resolved to connect more intimately with his five children. And, he was motivated to make use of this personal experience to Give Life by giving back to society.

Christian switched to corporate training before eventually founding Morning Star Community Services. His foray into social services proved to be pivotal, and led to a positive transformation of his life for the next 12 years.

Being Real and Knowing Your Child

Since then, Christian has strived to be much more present, both physically and emotionally, with his four daughters and middle-child son.

By being “real” and open about his true feelings with his children, they see him not as a know-it-all bossy Dad, but merely as another ordinary human being who, like them, experiences happiness, sadness, anger and frustration.

Christian also makes it a point to understand what is important to his kids and engage them at different stages of their growth.

For example, as his younger daughters love to bake and cook, he talks about food to connect with them, forging tighter parent-child bonds.

Christian believes in focusing on each child’s strengths, engaging in his primary area of competence. After a child gains confidence, it is much easier to use that as a point of entry to cultivate his other strengths and skills, thereby gradually transferring or “scaffolding” success from one area to another.

Perplexed by how some parents evaluate their child solely on academic performance, the certified family educator set up Zigzag Learning in October 2011 to help parents identify each child’s capabilities, nurture and enhance their social emotional skills, and build positive life habits.

Christian is mindful that a big part of a child’s world revolves around his studies. Therefore, at the Zigzag learning, social emotional skills and positive habits are cultivated in the real-life context of learning English and Mathematics.

Social Emotional Learning

It is important to give a child sufficient opportunities and time to know and understand himself, through free play and quiet reflection, particularly in the community he lives.

Christian concurs with the wisdom of Socrates who once said: “Know Thyself”, which philosophy has been said to evolve into a key pillar in social and emotional learning (SEL).

A child who is capable of understanding and identifying a spectrum of feelings would be better able to manage his moods, anger and impulses, as well as develop self-awareness and an ability to make responsible choices.

SEL involves building a child’s emotional intelligence and quotient (EQ) and helping to sharpen social and relationship-management skills. A child with higher EQ shows more care and greater empathy for others.

The cultivation of a child’s affective development is no less important than a child’s cognitive development (intelligent quotient - IQ).

Prepare children for the Tests of Life and not a Life of Tests

As SEL expert, Maurice J. Elias advocates: “Prepare children for the Tests of Life and not a Life of Tests”, Christian firmly believes in using SEL to help parents see beyond the child’s academic grades.

At home, Christian facilitates learning rather than teach and deliver content. By providing a conducive learning environment, as well as setting structure and parameters through the use of timetables and budgets, he helps his children build stronger character and to be more accountable for their actions.

He questions the wisdom of overly-shielding children from rough patches. It results in youngsters who are dependent, de-sensitised to reality and less resilient.

He often ignores his children’s alarm clocks when they ring, refusing to send them to school if they are late. His children have quickly learnt from the consequences.

To some, Christian’s approach may come across as “uncaring” or “uninvolved”. Yet, underlying such parenting style is a deep-seated concern for his children’s well-being.

Anything But a Straight Line

For Christian, “Progress is simply not a straight line… and the experience of life journey, a zigzag path to learning and life.”

Christian aptly sums up, “In life, some reverses or zigs are inevitable, even necessary, for one to re-evaluate the choices made, and to grow.”

Indeed, a zig often brings one to another zag, a different vantage point offering a new insight or valuable perspective – one which might otherwise have been missed had the journey been an uneventful, linear one.

 

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About the Author: The Dads for Life Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads.

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