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Fathering Matters
10 December 2009
Fathers with Big Hearts! Part 1
"My motivation is just to help the children. There are lots of children in children's homes. A home is a better place."
- Raymond Loh, 48, Administrative Manager, a foster father since 2004
To see children grow in a home environment and not a residential home. That desire sparked in Raymond and his wife Lynette the decision to be foster parents.
It was also Lynette's experience volunteering in a children's home in 2003 that made the couple more aware of the circumstances of children who are unable to live with their families. The growing desire became a conviction.
The Lohs fostered their first child through a convent for a year. Jolene*, now 14 years old, still sends them a card every year. Three other children have since passed through the Lohs' doors through the MCYS Fostering scheme, including a chubby baby who could not stop crying.
The joy in Raymond's voice was unmistakable as he recalled the 10 month old baby's 2-day stay. He shared how he had to bring baby Dan* out for a midnight stroll for an hour in the neighbourhood.
As much as fostering comes with fulfilment, Raymond is also quick to add that it is not without its challenges. A bittersweet learning experience is how he would describe his journey so far.
Fulfilling the idealistic aspiration to help children and their families from difficult backgrounds can be sweet, yet he thinks it can be a struggle requiring much forbearance, particularly when the children misbehave; sometimes resulting from what they have been through.
Commitment to the cause is what keeps Raymond, Lynette and their son Russell going in this journey. But the burden is lighter with the involvement and support of the extended family. "(Fostering is) definitely a family effort", concludes Raymond, “and more families should be doing it!"
* The names of the children have been changed.
Reflection pointers for fathers…
1. To be able to establish a strong, firm and nurturing relationship with children is the essence of fathering. The warmth of our homes help us to connect with children. Is our home a welcoming place for children?
2. It is good that our homes are functional and clean, but it is better if our home is one where our children feel loved and welcomed; most residential institutions are relatively clean and functional but it lacks the human touch that parents provide.
3. Read the stories below and be inspired. You will also want to read on foster father, Lim Yook Gweek. His story is truly remarkable.
Fathering Matters
18 December 2009
Fathers with Big Hearts! Part 2
“My husband Chris was the one who initiated fostering. There was a message in church about it and he took up the challenge. He felt that he needed to do something for the children who needed help.
Chris is really fatherly. He loves kids and the kids love him too. He is like the Pied Piper who is able to get the attention of the kids and engage them. The children take to Chris with much ease as he speaks their 'lingo'. There is a sense of confidence in him to be able to cope with all kinds of children.
I think Chris is a wonderful father to our 24-year-old twin boys. He is loving, caring and supportive. He shows his affection to them and disciplines them when necessary. He gives them a sense of security as they know he is dependable and consistent in his values.
Here’s a poem I wrote for my foster children. 6-year-old Meiyi* and 5-year-old Weiming* gave me the reason to write but my inspiration comes from Chris and my sons:
Wriggle Wriggle little stars
How I wonder who you are
Down on the ground so small and shy
Like a hidden jewel in the sand
Wriggle wriggle little stars
It’s no wonder who you are
I see in you the longing to be loved
I see in you the lustre waiting to shine
You are so beautiful
You are so brilliant
You will soon find back your shine.
It is not by chance that we are doing this. Meiyi and Weiming are like little starfishes we pick as we stroll along the seaside. Each child has great potential. If we do nothing, it will all go to waste. The support of the whole family in doing this is really the inspiration.”
Cindy Lim, Senior Education Officer
Cindy and her businessman husband Christopher Tay have been foster parents to Meiyi and Weiming since March this year. Their sons Jonathan and David, undergraduates in New York, met the children when they came back for their summer break in June. Like father, like sons; the young men took to the children immediately. When seeing them happily playing together one evening, the moment moved Cindy to pen the poem. The little ones are now looking forward to their two gor-gor (big brothers) coming back for Christmas!
* The names of the children have been changed.
Reflection pointers for fathers…
1. Our children will grow up, married and eventually becomes parents themselves. How we parent them now will determine what kind of parents they will become. Will they see child-caring and rearing as a ‘chore’ and a disturbance to their personal lives or will they enjoy caring, interacting with children?
2. There are weak and the disabled like children out there who are left to fend for themselves. When society ignores their needs it will be the beginning of the downfall of a community of citizens who lost their humanity.
Submit your own dad story here and we will do our best to publish it.
If you can offer a child a stable and loving home as foster parents, and nurture their growth and potential, call the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports at 6354-8799 or visit www.mcys.gov.sg/fostering to find out more.
About the Author: The DadsforLife Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads.
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