An Expatriate Life in China

The days always ended with a shot of the best single-malt whiskey to wash away the taste of expatriate life. In China, it didn’t quite matter if the sun rose or sank into the deep blue ocean – we worked all day long, all year round and by Zeus, it was glorious.

Accepting a posting to China was by far the best decision that I had ever made. The money was great, the perks were a blast and my wife had almost everything she had ever wanted. Sure I worked like a dog in a strange environment, but that was about to get better because my wife was going to quit her job in Singapore and join me abroad soon.

A Call from the Wife in Singapore

Out of the blue, I received an excited call from the wife. She told me that she was pregnant and that I was about to become a father. I whooped for joy, ran three circles around the sofa and punched the air like Tiger Woods (whom at this time of writing is probably not a name to be associated with an article on fatherhood, nor on being a husband and the whole responsible adult thing).

Then it dawned upon me (actually a day later to be precise) that all our plans had to change with the impending arrival of our baby. Firstly, my wife couldn’t join me in China anymore so I had to languish there, alone and anxious.

Secondly, since she was back in Singapore and I was in China, she would be alone for the majority of her pregnancy. And lastly, when the baby was born – I would be away in China. Oh, and we had to cancel our holiday to England too since pregnant women shouldn’t travel.

Preparing for Baby’s Arrival between China & Singapore

To cut a long story short, my wife’s pregnancy was a very stressful period. I would time my flights back home to coincide with her visits to the doctor and we would be speechlessly happy over the first ultrasound scans where we first saw the face of our baby daughter.

To make matters worse, my wife had a very fragile pregnancy (it was her first) and would bleed every time she moved so she had to be confined in bed for three months.

Thank God for kind and understanding brothers-in-law, sisters-in-law, mothers-in-law etc who helped us every step of the way, and who still continue to help us.

Stressed over Impending Fatherhood

I would like to divert your attention now to the fact that I was facing some pretty hideous stress over the impending fatherhood status. Now I’m the kind of guy that can be best classified as ‘unrepentant kidult’. I party hard, do childish guy stuff that cannot be mentioned in a family magazine and basically am in no way considered fatherhood model material.

The wife and I had never planned to have kids in a manner of speaking. We never actually sat down and came out with a 20 year plan. In fact we had already discussed getting a dog (probably a Dalmatian) if she didn’t ever get pregnant. We were too busy enjoying going on holidays whenever we felt like it and living a carefree life.

The reality that I was about to become a father made my head spin. I wasn’t sure if I was ready. Most of my friends in the circles I moved in were not parents by choice or had children and then divorced. As a Catholic, I was brought up to take parenthood very very seriously. And the doubt that I would do a good job was sucking all of the air out of the room.

All Doubts & Anxieties Washed Away

On the day my daughter was born, I was a nervous wreck. While my wife was in the operating theatre, I paced up and down the corridor like a man possessed. The doctors and nurses were very annoyed because I kept asking them when my wife would be out with the baby (I also had nightmares of my wife biting the dust during labor and leaving me all alone, a wretched widower to bring our baby up alone).

Three hours later, my daughter was carried out by the nurse and placed in my arms. I am not ashamed to say I wept tears of joy, which washed away all the doubts and anxiety I previously had.

Time with the Family

At the time of writing this article, my lovely daughter is 4.5 months old. Every night, I speak to her and the wife via video conferencing (viva la Skype!). Every two weeks, I board a plane homebound to spend the weekend with my family. It’s not the situation I had in mind, this father-in-absentia arrangement, but I try to make it work.

It breaks my heart each time I have to leave, to fly back to China for work but we all have our obligations in life.

People say that there are four stages to a man’s life. First comes the stage where he’s a kid. Then he becomes a man through being tricked by a woman into marriage. Later, he becomes a father by having his own child and reprioritising everything to bring the child up properly. Lastly, he becomes a child again when his child grows up and has to change his adult diapers for the parent.

My dad was a great father. He was always there for me and made sure I got all the support I needed to become a well-rounded person. I recall being deathly worried every time he got home later than 8pm. I regret that I may not be able give my daughter the same childhood. I have however, given up hard liquor and now exercise regularly.

Always There Beside You

I hope my daughter will read this article in a decade or so, and understand the sacrifices that her father had to make to ensure Mummy and her were taken care of.

All those birthdays, occasions (school concerts etc) and other events that your daddy could not attend; the many times at night when you wished I was there to tuck you in, but your mother had to do it instead; or that time you fell down and your knees bled but I wasn’t there to apply lotion on it and tell you everything was going to be alright.

I was always there beside you in spirit, and I always will be.

 

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About the Author: Cowboy Caleb, aged 32, is the infamous Asian blogger whose mystery identity has been a best-kept secret since 2002 despite his not so secret hedonistic lifestyle.

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