"I give my kids a headrub every single day, to promote blood circulation and the formation of their cranium," Andrew Johnson says, his hands massaging an imaginary baby's head to demonstrate. "And if my kid has a cough, I'll heat up dry oats, wrap it in a cloth and put it on his chest," he says, explaining that the controlled temperature will help to warm up the child's lungs.

Andrew Johnson - or AJ, as he is known by friends - rattles off a few other benefits of cod liver oil and virgin olive oil - real virgin olive oil, he emphasises, produced without chemical treatment - which he feeds his twin babies, Ariel and Brad. Not surprising coming from a man who is serious about good, clean food, and even more serious about parenting - the same man who cooks baby food for his children, and also confinement food for his wife Barbara after she gave birth last year. "I was the confinement nanny for my wife!" he jokes.

Sharing the Kampong Spirit with Family and Friends

He attributes much of his knowledge and ease in parenting to growing up in a tightly-knit kampong community in Penang, Malaysia. "I had a friend who had 16 sisters, and he was an uncle at 10!" So by the time AJ was 12, he was helping to change diapers and cook confinement food, such as Fish and Green Papaya Soup. In time to come, AJ would improve on the recipe for this dish with suggestions from his mother-in-law.

This sense of community bonding through cooking and helping is still a part of his life today. “Mum and Dad always encouraged me to cook when I was younger, today I can cook for them,” says AJ. And, when AJ and his wife went on a trip to Italy last year, his parents (who are both great cooks) looked after his kids; his mother-in-law also occasionally cooks for the family in spite of her busyness at work. "They're choosing to be a part of our lives and they bring something forward to the next generation," he says.

His children's godparents, Janice and Govi, also receive special mention as parenting role-models. "They have kids between 9 and 20 years - all polite, understanding, with good manners." "I asked their kids once, who's your best friend?" "One of them said, my dad; another said, my mum, and I thought - wow!" It is evident that AJ aspires to develop a similarly close relationship with his own children.

Learning through Sensory Experiences

Even though his twins are barely a year old, AJ is also taking their learning very seriously. "Their senses are the best educational tool," he says. "When they feel the texture of sand, or when they feel a papaya -I slice it open and they taste it- that's the wow factor!" he exclaims.

"I remember once sitting in an army tank with my dad," AJ says, recollecting the excitement of this experience as a child - the same excitement that he now wants to pass on to his children. "My dad and mum are my foundation, and my wife and I, are the foundation of our children."

For this reason, this avid nature-lover often goes with family and friends to Bollywood Veggies, a 10-acre organic farm in Kranji. "I love it - it's a kampong playground, and the kids can ask 10 000 questions!" he says, describing the organic fruits and vegetables that they can touch and taste, and even the occasional dragonfly egg spotted among the plants.

Choosing to Make Time for the Family

Still, the point he keeps coming back to is that of choice. "You can never say you don't have time for your child - you have a choice!" he declares emphatically.

"Even if you have a nine-to-five job, you can spend time with the kids after 6pm, during the weekends, or feed your babies at 8.30pm, 10pm or night feeds- let your wife rest!" He cites a case of a couple, both cleaners, who took different shifts so that they can look after their child. It is not about money, he insists, because being there for your children is the most important.

For this reason, he is strongly in favour of improving paternity leave regulations. Couples need to help each other, he says, especially given the dire statistics of high divorce rates. Nine months, he thinks, is more than enough time for companies to plan work cover, "but do companies do enough?" he asks rhetorically.

To AJ, "work is last when the kids need me," but emphasises that this should not be seen as a job liability. In fact, he has observed that when things are well at home, it gives a man the motivation to pursue what he wants. “You bring love to the office, you're more expressive with clients, and ultimately it brings you better financial freedom!" explains AJ, whose company Ayden Wines, imports distributes specialty wine from Tuscany.

"My belief is also that behind every great man there is a greater woman, to me that is my wife Barbara," he adds.

This is certainly an attitude that has worked well for AJ and his family, and one hopes, for many others as well.

 

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About the Author: The Dads for Life Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads.

 

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