Community 
The Key to Connecting
It has been said that communication is the key to human connection, and that holds true as well when it comes to the relationship between a father and his child.
42-year-old Mr Abdul Salim can certainly attest to that.
The proud father of three, Mr Salim attributes his growing relationship with 14-year-old son, Muhd Khairil, to good communication and understanding of each other.
“We are like buddies,” said Mr Salim. “When we go out on family outings, he’ll walk with me and make jokes.”
It was not always smooth sailing though.
Said Mr Salim, “Our relationship wasn’t good at all in the past. I can be hot tempered at times and there have been arguments when I was annoyed with Khairil. He was rather playful and didn’t concentrate on his studies in Secondary One.”
Despite a slow start, Khairil who studies at Montfort Secondary, improved drastically in Secondary Two and was promoted from Normal Academic to the Express stream.
Mr Salim attributed the change in his son to the Fathers@Schools programme, which is part of the Dads for Life movement. Under the Fathers@Schools programme, Mr Salim started up the Father’s Wing in Montfort Secondary School along with two other fathers, in 2010. The Father’s Wing is part of the Parent Support Group in Montfort Secondary and they organise activities for fathers and sons such as soccer competitions and bonding camps.
“Things started changing when I joined the programme. Khairil knows I’m behind him now and that I’m there to encourage him. The relationship between us grew closer and I think that’s what changed him,” explained Mr Salim.
Mr Salim recalled a particular incident that struck him deeply.
“We were on the way home after attending a bonding camp together and that’s when he suddenly told me, ‘Dad, I love you a lot.’ I was so happy,” said Mr Salim with a smile as he recollected the moment.
The overnight bonding camp organised by the Father’s Wing required dads to engage in activities with their children such as prawn fishing as well as setting up a barbeque together.
“The camp was great,” he said. “We had a lot of fun and we laughed a lot. Khairil told me he had a great time.”
While Mr Salim is aware that the Fathers@Schools programme has helped his son, he feels that the benefits also extend to the fathers.
“I’ve changed as well,” he shared. “The activities that I went through with my son helped me to understand him better. I understand his fears and how he’s afraid to tell me what he wants sometimes. Now he knows that I will listen if there’s anything he needs to say, even if he’s made a mistake. That’s what makes him more confident.”
The Importance of Communication
Ask Mr Salim what he thinks the key issue is between parents and children, and the answer comes easy: Communication.
“I believe that communication between parents and children is what’s missing,” he said earnestly. “Some parents don’t have the time to interact with their children and that results in the children thinking that their parents don’t care. It makes them more vulnerable in school.”
Growing up, Mr Salim knew what it is like not to have a father with him. “My life wasn’t that great before,” Mr Salim explained. “My father left me at the age of 11 and now that I have kids of my own, I try my best to give them proper attention. Instead of working with people we don’t know that well, we should give our time to our own flesh and blood.”
Mr Salim also stressed the importance of keeping work separate from the family.
He said, “When you bring your work home, there tends to be more aggression because of the stress faced at work, and that sort of interaction with children won’t work.”
School Feels like Home
Due to Mr Salim’s high involvement with the Father’s Wing at Montfort Secondary, he comes to school pretty often. And, that has reaped benefits. “School’s a comfortable place now for Khairil. Because I’m constantly in school, I know most of his friends and teachers. It feels like home for him,” said Mr Salim,
In fact, Khairil looks up to his father as his own personal hero.
“Since I’m always around, Khairil feels that I’m there to support him. He told me that he has a hero and the hero is me,” said Mr Salim proudly.
Going forward, Mr Salim hopes to reach out to more parents through the Father’s Wing. And to all dads, he shares, “There’s a whole lot more to discover about our children. Give some time to them and be with them. It’s going to be a terrific journey.”
|
|
With the pressures of examinations out of the way, the year-end holidays make for a great opportunity to spend extended time with your children. Plan your schedule well, so that you make time to bond over activities and get to know them better. Share with your children the joy of giving by sharing your time or resources to loved ones and worthy causes.
Quick Reads The New Year is a time to start afresh, to make a better tomorrow. Start your year on the right foot as a dad; take stock of the important things and use your unique strengths to help your child realise his potential.
As your child or teenager settles in to his new school year, make some resolutions on how to help him academically. As much you may wish for your child to achieve success at school, it is appropriate to ask what you can do to coach, spur him on, and get him to aim higher. The Dads for Life Resource Team has come up with 10 terrific tips for easy recall. Just remember: ‘A’ FOR FATHER.
While you may catch a glimpse of the need to reach the fatherless, it is not surprising that you might at the same time question whether you have resources and ability to do so. These are valid concerns that need to be addressed, however, it is equally important to take stock of the strengths you already have. Begin by: affirming his value, believing in his potential, and cheering him on.
Active fathering has a positive impact on the development and happiness of the father, as well as the special needs child. Read about how dads can be involved in the care, treatment and special education of their children -from the start.
A new addition to the family can be both a bundle of joy as well as challenging for dads. Strange as it may seem, but principles applied at the workplace, may help dads get the gears running smoothly at home too. This includes getting feedback, managing change, outsourcing tasks, tapping on technology and planning for contingencies.
Brothers Rhaimie and Rizal Wahap, have joined forces as writer and illustrator to create graphic novels that get kids excited about reading. Find out their fresh perspectives on play, exploration, learning, and fatherhood.
Abdul Salim, talks about how good communication and understanding of each other changed his relationship with his son for the better. He shares how “there’s a whole lot more to discover about our children. Give some time to them and be with them. It’s going to be a terrific journey.”
What did you do to prepare your kid for his first day of school? Find out two unique but equally interesting points-of-view from dads, about this very milestone.
Find out more about these two promising titles by Tamar Chansky, PhD., on how to help your child find freedom from anxiety and negative thinking.
Have a thought or insight? Read more and talk on this Theme here! |
About the Author: The Dads for Life Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads.
Show/hide comments
Show/hide comment formBack to Listing
