I bumped into this 35-year-old friend who had been going for a series of medical tests. It was her first pregnancy and because of her age, she had to take more than the usual number of check-ups.

‘It is to make sure the baby is normal,’ she said.

‘And what if it isn’t?’ I asked. ‘Abort,’ she replied without hesitation. ‘It would not be fair to bring him into this world if he cannot experience the full range of thoughts and feelings?’ she added. ‘Besides, who is going to look after him when my hubby and I die?’ she asked.

I know a number of people who like her, go for every test available when they are pregnant with the full intention of aborting the foetus if there is a sign the baby may not be normal. They strongly recommend it to others, too.

When my wife was pregnant with our third child, I was terribly anxious because she was almost 35 years old. The chances of a mother having a Down’s syndrome child rise dramatically when a woman hits that age. Kids with Down’s Syndrome experience early mental difficulties and suffer from childhood heart disease and leukaemia. Most also develop Alzheimer’s disease by the age of 40 and would need close attention all their life.

I never discussed my fears with my wife although I found out after her delivery that she, too, had harboured similar fears and, like me, decided not to discuss it.

Our concerns were similar - would we be able to cope with a child who had special needs? Still, we decided against the tests. Neither of us believe in abortion and we did not want to put ourselves in a position where we would start considering it. Better not to know.

Years earlier, a friend was in that kind of predicament and caved in at the last moment even though she was strongly against abortion. She was newly married and had taken her Ruebella jab to immunise her against German measles — a disease which could cause a pregnant mother to miscarry, have a stillbirth or for the unborn child to suffer from a range of birth defects.

She was told to avoid getting pregnant for six months following the jab or risk having a deformed child. But passion got the better of her and she got pregnant. It was an accident, she said.

She struggled with what she should do — abort or keep the potentially deformed child. She finally decided to flush it out. A test on the aborted foetus showed that the child would have been perfectly normal. She took a long time to get over it.

Every time someone mentions abortion to me, I remember brave couples who decide not to take the easy option and who stick firmly to their belief that they should never abort. One was a woman who got pregnant at the age of 43. It was unplanned.

Despite her age and having two children who were much older, she decided that she would keep the child. As she progressed in her pregnancy, she took various tests and, after one of them, found out that she was going to have a Down’s syndrome child.

The next few weeks were among the most difficult that she and her husband had ever gone through in her life, she later told me, as she constantly fought the temptation to abort. She wept, suffered mood swings and became one depressed mother-to-be.

Finally, they decided that they would abort. She went to the clinic on the appointed day, but as she laid on the bed, ready for surgery, she changed her mind and pulled out of it.

Today, she talks about the joy her Down’s syndrome son brings to the family and how he has brought the family closer. The child’s siblings love him dearly and enjoy taking care of him, she said.

She has no regrets. ‘It’s God’s reward to her for keeping the child,’ she once said.
Another couple I know also found the news that they were to have another child difficult to accept. Their eldest child was 18 then. This mother said she cried for weeks on hearing the news. She felt that she and her husband, both in their late 40s, were too old to go through another child. But she, too, kept the baby.

I know of several other couples who decided that they would bite the bullet and have the child. Some did end up having to make lifestyle changes or to even give up their jobs. Another child set them back in terms of time and money, but almost always these sacrifices were repaid with the joy that the children brought.

But the issue here is not the pains and joys the child may or not bring but that the foetus is a life and abortion is terminating a life. For me, there is only one thing sadder than the killing and that is doing it without even giving it a second thought, like in the case of the 35-year-old friend of mine.

About The Author: Mathew Pereira is currently the Sports Editor of The Straits Times. Between 2004 and 2008, he wrote several columns which talked about his personal experience of fatherhood. This piece was one of many in his collection of fatherhood stories. Mathew is a member of the Fathers Action Network (FAN).