Ho Meng Jang, aged 69, is an occupational therapist with five grandchildren aged one month to seven years. He is also a writer who has published several short stories. He received a National Day Award (PBA, bronze) in 1985.

 

Dear Ryan, Freva, Rodrique and Hana

I have a story to tell. But you may not understand or be interested in it. I will write it down so that one day when you are grown up, you will understand the story and may even feel for the people in the story.

I have a very good friend. He has three children - two sons and a daughter. The daughter is the eldest. After his wife fell sick, he became the sole breadwinner. For years he had to be thrifty because his income was small.

Because of this he appeared to be very mean to his children. Each time they walked past MacDonald’s, his children would look into the restaurant through the glass. He felt very hurt when his children looked up at him imploringly.

Then, his wife passed away. There was a small sum of money from her life insurance policy. He told his elder son that he could use the money for his university education.

“Why can’t I go to university? I am the eldest,” asked the daughter.

“We have money only for one. Let your brother go. He is a boy. He will get married later and have children. A bright future with university degree will help him raise a better family. You are a girl. Your husband will take care of you. This is our culture and tradition.”

He felt very hurt saying that.

When his younger son completed his Polytechnic studies, he asked his father if he could go to university.

“Where do I get the money?”

“It is not fair. Mom’s insurance money is for everyone. I have a share in it.”

The father felt hurt again. His son had no love for anyone but himself. He felt that he failed to teach his son how to share.

One day, a year later, he asked his younger son if he was still interested in studying for a degree.

“Of course,” he said as a matter of fact. “Where do you get the money from, Dad?’’

“I am 55 years old today. I have my CPF money,” he said.

“Yippee,” he screamed.

Soon my friend grew old. His sons are rich and prosperous. They live in private houses and condominiums. They all have their respective families but they seldom meet.

My friend lives alone. Soon, he will be too old to live alone. But his two sons will not have him, as he is not able to walk and cumbersome. He feels really hurt because he has failed to instill in his children a sense of humanity.

Only his daughter takes him in to live with her family of four in a three-room HDB flat. He is grateful. His culture and tradition of favouring sons seems so ironic.

If there is one thing you must learn, it is to be grateful for what your parents can give you and for what you have.  Feel for each other and feel for people. Then you can be a better person.

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This letter is republished with permission from the National Library Board. Letters From Grandma and Grandpa (2008) is an initiative to create opportunities for youth and seniors to strengthen ties, enhance understanding and appreciate each other. Singapore grandpas and grandmas share their stories from the past, their hopes for the future, their love from their hearts, and their values for the soul. The letters capture their thoughts and feelings on important values, such as family and heritage, respect for the elders, generosity, love, courage and responsibility.

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Also see:

1. Letters from Grandma and Grandpa Webpage

2. Letters to Grandma and Grandpa Press Release

3. Letters to Grandma and Grandpa Webpage

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