When Eugene Fernandez* was a brand new driver, three road bullies surrounded him and tried to force him off the road. Indignant, the hot-headed teen wanted to ram into their vehicles but Dad told him to pull over and let them speed by.

"But they were wrong, Dad!" he yelled, fist clenched, tears rolling down his cheeks. Dad agreed, but cautioned him it would be unwise to go against a group of hooligans on their own.

What Driving School Doesn't Teach Your Kids

1. Deal with Road Bullies

There are drivers who change lanes without indicating, obstruct others in their parking, speed through red lights, egg you on to race with him, weave in and out of traffic and more. There are also drivers who slowly putter along, perhaps because nothing more than 30km/hr is the safest speed for their level of ability.

Dads, before getting into the car, you may want to go through each possible scenario with your teen and discuss with him how to respond. In the car, remind him to be alert and quick-thinking. Encourage him to scan his side mirrors and rear view mirrors regularly so he's aware of what’s going on at all times.

2. Beware of Dangerous Criminals

An event organiser, Mei Ling Tay* often drives home alone at as late as 3am. One night, she was tailgated by a car with four male occupants. Her father’s advice in her youth rang in her ears, "Drive as quickly as possible to the nearest police station. Don't stop even if they were to crash into your vehicle."

She geared up and after a brief high-speed chase, reached a police station where the tailgaters immediately disappeared.

On another occasion, a man sped up at the next lane to catch up with her, wound down his window, and anxiously shouted while pointing at her tyre. Puzzled, she wondered if she was dragging a road kill or the tyre was flat, but decided against stopping to inspect. At her destination, she found every tyre to be in good condition.

Even in a safe country like ours, there are hazards out there and dads may very well be the wizened guy to let this on.

3. Drive Like a Gentleman

We often lament the lack of graciousness among drivers in Singapore. Perhaps dads are the ones who can make a difference in the way the next generation of drivers treat their fellow drivers on the road.

"After passing my driving test, Dad promptly announced he’ll allow me to drive unsupervised if he’s able to fall asleep in my drive," says Ms Aisyah Yaakob, 25. "By that, he didn’t mean I should drive slowly, but that I should drive gently and peaceably so that my passengers may even forget we’re in a moving car."

"That means no flying over speed bumps, braking abruptly when approaching junctions, or sudden swerving at road corners. It taught me to be considerate towards others even when I’m not behind the wheel," she added.

4. Drive in Varying Road, Weather and Lighting Conditions

Your teen will be unfamiliar with how well your car tyres and brakes respond on wet roads. Neither is he used to driving at night, in the rain and in the fog. Start him off during these weather conditions at a wide open space before moving onto relatively quiet streets. When he’s more confident, take him on to busier streets, and expressways.

In 2009, there were 183 fatalities from road accidents ⁽¹⁾. Though this figure is low, it is still 183 too many lives lost, particularly if one of the 183 lives is your child’s or yours.

Why Not Just Leave it to Professional Instructors?

Teenagers are notoriously difficult to talk to. "Given a chance, my teenage daughter would take her meals through a slit in her door and interact with her parents only on Christmas." says Bruce Cameron, author of 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter ⁽²⁾.

But when a teen has freshly obtained his license to drive, Dads may very well hold the magic key that opens doors to mutual respect and trust.

"At a time when most of Dad’s advice was bouncing off my eardrums and returning to him unheard, Dad’s driving lessons managed to get heard. Perhaps because this was a subject that even my teenage super-brain couldn’t claim to know more of," says Hillary Chan, now 31.

How to Build Strong Relationships While Teaching Your Teen to Drive

1. Stay Calm

Unlike the official instructor’s car, yours doesn’t come with an emergency brake pedal on the front passenger side. Dads, be respectful and refrain from placing your hand over the handbrake - "just in case". You’ll still have some control as long as your right hand is within reach of the steering wheel.

2. Avoid Sarcasm

Rather than say, "Are you trying to qualify for F1?" ask, "Notice the digits on your speedometer?"

3. Don’t Talk Too Much

Regular drivers tend to forget how complex driving really is. For example, to make a simple turn, your teen will need to indicate, check the side mirror, check the rear view mirror, check the blind spot, and check that the road ahead is clear. With all these tasks lined up in a row, your teen will need to be focused. Refrain from veering off into unrelated topics until driving has become second nature to him.

4. Communicate Clearly

Give instructions clearly, audibly and in short sentences. Do not mumble and make sure you’re using terminologies that both of you understand to mean the same thing. If your teen dislikes an authority figure bearing down with instructions, invite him to speak aloud what he needs to do next. Unless he misses a step, dads can just approvingly nod their heads. Speaking aloud will also help your teen memorise these tasks.

5. Have the Patience of a Saint

A new driver may sometimes make a move that you'd least expect him to, like do a three-point-turn at the wrong place at the wrong time. Instead of clutching your chest and hyperventilating, patiently teach him why that’s not the done thing, at least not if he cares for his life.

6. Guide by Establishing Household Rules

At some point, your teen will surely be interested in taking Dad's car out on his own. Teach your child what to do in emergencies such as how to change a tyre and how to jumpstart the battery using jumper cables.

You may want to determine who should pay for petrol, what time should he and the car be home by, and if it’s okay to drive out of the country. Establish and communicate the appropriate disciplinary action should he break these rules.

Let him know that should he ever have a drink, Dad will be happy to rush over by cab to pick him up and drive him home, no questions asked. And that, Dad is always just a phone call away.

As your children become teenagers, opportunities for heart-to-heart talks and the passing down of generational wisdoms could become quite rare, not only because of the teenage temperament but also because of the hefty work they'll need for studies and co-curricular activities.

While you may struggle in trying to communicate with your teenage child, he is struggling too, to figure out who to be as he grows up. Don't let these teachable moments slip through your fingers. Instead, take every opportunity to enter his world. These moments tend to all too quickly pass us by.

*Names have been changed

References:

1. Singapore Police Force (2010), 21st October 2010.

2. Cameron, W. Bruce (2001), 8 Simple Rules for Dating My Teenage Daughter, Workman Publishing, New York, Pg. 6

About the Author: The DadsforLife Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads.