1 to 9—Now What?

After nine months of watching your wife getting rounder, and anticipating the arrival of the new addition to the family, sharing in indulgent food cravings, even playing Mozart to your wife’s bursting belly, the day finally comes when your baby arrives—kicking and screaming no less. You realise–in horror–that nothing in the nine months has prepared you for this moment, or the sleepless nights to come.

New dads often find themselves at a loss at the arrival of their first child. The little bundle of joy is also a delicate, fragile human being and you are afraid of carrying him in your arms. What if he struggles, bursts out in tears? Does it mean he doesn’t like you?

There is a vast amount of literature available for new fathers. Acquiring the basic knowledge about a baby’s needs, temperament and behaviour is but the tip of the iceberg. You also need to be well-versed in the physical and emotional changes that your wife and your family will experience, and have to adjust to, with the arrival of your precious little one. With so much to know and so little time to learn, here are a couple of tips which every first-time dad will relate to.

Plan to be the father you want to be

Dads make a difference.  As a new dad, you bring different strengths and styles to your parenting role, quite distinct from your wife’s. Fathers are known to be more adept at “roughhousing”, teaching children how to deal with aggressive impulses, and for pushing achievement, while mothers emphasise nurturance. But the real impact you will make as a father is determined by the role you decide to play, and the outcomes you want to achieve. What kind of values do you want your child to have? What kind of adult do you want him to grow up to be? Plan ahead so that you are in the right frame, and have the right skills and knowledge, to be the dad you want to be.

Time with your Baby

We all interact with children differently. You will start to form a special bond with the little one. Carrying, hugging and kissing your newborn are just some ways of physical interaction that help create deeper relationships. Spending time with your baby will help him familiarise himself with you and the rest of the family.

Visits to the Doctor

Babies require several follow-up medical checks and immunisation jabs after being born. Their new immune systems also mean they catch germs pretty easily. Make it a point to bring him to the clinic yourself, and to be part of his day-to-day care. Being sensitive to your newborn’s eating and sleep patterns will be helpful when illnesses arise, or possible food or drug allergies your baby might develop.

Make Friends with other Dads

Only other dads will be able to empathise with your plight during this period. Who else to better understand the depth of sacrifice involved when an avid football fan ditches the remote control to coo his baby to burp? Talking to other dads is a great way to exchange notes, allay fears and ease any fathering woes.

Work-life Balance

Once the baby arrives, you will probably need to start cutting down on weekly drinks with your buddies and TV time (this includes football matches), and make way for night feeds and diaper changes. Be as productive at work as possible so you avoid unnecessary overtime. Spending time with your family is important as the early years determine the level of attachment you build with your child. However, sufficient “me-time” here and there is recommended so dads can keep healthy and happy, unwind from their endless duties and recharge.

You’re on your Way!

The time has come for you to put away this article and wipe the sweat from your brow. No one is an expert parent (trust me, they all wing it sometimes) and there will be plenty of opportunities for learning and growing as you embark on your new role as someone’s dad. Being involved in your child’s life and getting it right from the start requires time, effort and patience. There will be laughter, there will be tears, but above all—there will be joy and love.

About the Author: The Dads for Life Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads.