Be Aware 
Grandfather Stories?
We have all heard the term “grandmother stories” to refer to tales that go on and on. Unfortunately, such a term connotes boredom, and conjures up images of old ladies in rocking chairs.
The truth is, for generations, granddads have engaged grandchildren with dynamic narratives to pass on family values and build bonds.
Gems from Granddad
If you are able to remember a family story, it is likely that something admirable took place. My family story is about how Granddad and his brothers came together to fight off bandits invading their gambier plantation along Adam Road in the 1930s. I found it exciting, but what it really taught me was the value of working together.
When we think about sharing the family history, we imagine having to present facts in a chronological order and include the whole ‘gin-gang’, or family clan. But that is not necessarily so. Even history books are put together by groups of mere men with various perspectives.
As such, granddads can share the family history from their unique points of view. Of course adherence to accuracy is appreciated somewhat. For example, if the story took place in the colonial days, then some Ah Mahs*, Samsui* women with Red Hats or English Army Officers could be in it, but it is not the main point.
More importantly, sharing your family history helps your grandchildren’s formative minds to understand the rich legacy they are part of. This can build a sense of belonging and identity in a child that helps him navigate this world.
According to Ms Violet Yang, Advisor, Great Joy Community Care, granddads who share the family history with their grandchildren, help their young minds to better understand their own personality and emotional growth as individuals.
Another benefit, says Ms Yang, is the building of grandfather-grandchild bonds, “This understanding facilitates long-lasting communication between the two generations.”
Gems for Granddad
At the same time, sharing the family history allows granddads to gain a deeper understanding of the self.
According to Gerontologist, Dr James E. Birren, (1) older persons experience a sense of increased personal power and importance when they participate in activities that allow them to review their life.
For example, an older person may become more aware of strategies or tactics used to gain knowledge and make friends at school. He can apply those strategies to current needs and problems. Or, he may discover past interests or activities that will enhance his present quality of life.
According to Ms Yang, granddads have to first organise facts intellectually and conduct some form of self-evaluation even before they can share with their grandchildren. Their ability to share the victories and failures is a sign of acceptance of the past, and thus acceptance of self.
Family Heroes & the Whole “Gin-Gang”
On top of taking a meaningful tour of one’s own life, sharing the family history will allow you and the grandchildren to become familiar with the family heroes.
Family Heroes are essentially family figures who “saved the day”. They are remembered for what they did to benefit the family or clan. Such stories can help grandchildren face tough times.
On the other end of the spectrum, there are also the “less than glorious” aspects of the family history. For example, it’s tough to talk about fractured relationships, hurtful situations, or family members on the wrong side of the law.
Nonetheless, they are part of every family’s journey.
At times, a situation or an item such as a photograph may bring up these topics. When that happens, granddads need to exercise wisdom whether or not to share such stories. Refrain from doing so if emotions are too raw.
Nonetheless, sharing the family history with your grandchildren, together with their parents, provides opportunities for all parties to get a better picture of the past together. Ms Yang explains, “Everyone remembers family events differently. It provides a platform for clarification of misunderstandings or misperceptions of events.”
Activities
Granddads can carry out many activities with their grandchildren to share the family history.
Consider scrapbooking, creating a family-tree, making a trip to the museum, and visiting a heritage site. Catch a historical documentary. Enjoy traditional foods. Visit an elderly relative. Visit the grave or niche of a late relative. Bring your grandchildren to where you worked.
Keep the conversations going with your grandchildren, and enjoy watching them learn more about you and themselves.
A Grandfather Shares His Story
Mr Lee Chong Kai comes from a large extended family that continues to spend time together across the generations, in spite of their busy schedules. He shares about how the family’s faith and strong bonds, provide his children and granddaughter, a firm base for life that’s characterised by a sense of belonging, stability and thanksgiving.
1. What stories do you share with your grandchild?
"My wife and I have started to share simple stories of our faith with our 2 year-old granddaughter, Annabelle.
We have begun to show her old photos of her dad when he was a child and some stories about him. We also show her photos of her great-grandparents which are on the walls in our home.
We intend to tell her more stories about her parents, ourselves, our extended families, and how God has blessed us."
2. Why do you share these stories?
"We are Christians and I think it is important that we begin to impart our faith to her as early as we can. The Bible also teaches us to honour our parents, to know and appreciate the extended family and its history. We taught this to our own children, and we encourage Annabelle's parents to do likewise so that she can see her parents walking their talk."
3. Would you like to share any inspiring family story with us?
"My parents set aside one day a week when the entire family of six adult children (plus their spouses and children) would be home together for dinner and family prayer. This began in the 1960s and my siblings and I and our families have continued with this tradition until today even though my parents have passed on - my mother in 1976 and my dad in 2006.
In turn, I have encouraged my own grown children to come home for dinner every Wednesday and dine out together on Sundays. My children used to protest having to come to my father's weekly dinner and I remember telling them that I go, and insist they go also, because there will come a day when I would also look forward for them to come home regularly with their families for dinner.
Eating together strengthens family ties. In our busy lives, it is difficult for an extended family to "come home" for dinner weekly unless there is commitment.
For 30 years, my dad would gather the Lee clan to visit the columbarium where Mum's ashes are placed for a time of remembrance, thanksgiving and prayer on the day of her death anniversary. He demonstrated his love and honour for Mum this way for three decades years. He walked his talk.
Today, the Lee family, all six of us in my generation, our spouses and children and our grandchildren visit the columbarium, where their ashes are placed side by side, for our private memorial services on their respective death anniversaries.
We take the opportunity to tell our grand children about their great-grandparents, even if they are still a bit young to understand. Hopefully, this tradition will continue after we are gone."
References:
1. Birren, J. & Cochran K., (2001) Telling the stories of life through guided autobiography groups, JHU Press, page 5, retrieved from Google Books 20 July 2010
2. http://www.proudgrandparents.co.uk/FamilyHistoryStories.html (retrieved 16 July 2010)
3. Family History, (retrieved 16 July 2010)
About the Author: The DadsforLife Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads.
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