Be Aware 
The Family Life Cycle
As a man, you go through various stages of life, each of them bringing their own challenges and struggles. You go from being entirely dependent as a child, to striving for independence as a youth, to moving away from your immediate family and forming a new family with your wife. The last is a very exciting stage as it may be the first time you have to learn how to live so closely with another individual.
According to Goldenberg and Goldenberg (2008), the major emotional transition during this phase is a commitment to the new system – developing a relationship with your wife, and at the same time realigning relationships with extended families and friends.
As you finally come to terms with these new arrangements, you then decide to embrace another stage –accepting new members into the family through having children. Here, relationships too need to be adjusted to make space for the new addition as you juggle child care arrangements, household tasks and financial plans. At the same time, members in the extended family also prepare to take on other roles such as being grandparents.
Preparing for Your Child
With so many things to consider, it is little wonder that you may not have as robust a plan as you would like to have for as you prepare for your child's arrival, financially or otherwise.
Fret not, here are some things to take note of so that you can mentally prepare for the needs, expectations and requirements coming your way.
First, be mindful that at this point of time, your pregnant wife may undergo various emotional roller coasters. You might find this challenging, but it is also an opportunity to demonstrate your love and understanding.
During this period of time, you cannot rely on her varied responses towards you for an accurate indication of how precisely she feels about you. To pin your hope and joy on the response of any imperfect human being is at best a precarious move, and it also puts you at risk of disillusionment and waking up in despair (Thomas, 2004). Remember that she loves you, despite what she’s saying or doing.
Second, give your wife the security that the family can and will be well taken care of. As a man, you are, more often than not, the main breadwinner of the family. As much as modern-day Singapore thrives on the dual-income household, chances are that you take home a higher salary than your wife or she may stop work for a period of time to be the child's primary caregiver.
Even if she continues working after her maternity leave, having a child does translate to higher expenses incurred. As such, a large part of preparing for your child is related to financial planning. Money has to be set aside for many things. At the initial stages, you’ll have to budget for doctor visits, health supplements, maternity clothes, baby clothes, pampers, a cot, a bathtub, milk bottles and sanitisers.
Then you’ll need to think about education, toys, extra curricular activities, enrichment courses, pocket money and food. The list goes on. How and where should you begin?
Preparing Financially
Here is a list of what you can look into (adapted from CredAbility, retrieved 2011):
1. Review your monthly budget, as well as discuss child care options with your wife. While doing so, think about how to garner practical help from the extended family.
2. Review your life and medical insurance, as well as your wife’s. Your biggest challenge as a dad will be to ensure that regardless of what happens to you, the family will be able to carry on with life.
Mr Justin Chew, Independent Financial Advisor with Cornerstone Planners Pte Ltd, was the father of a two-month old baby at the time of writing. Some professional advice he gives is to ensure that your wife is adequately covered in terms of medical insurance.
If that is taken care of, you will not be limited in the options for a safe delivery should any complications arise. Finances should be the least of your concerns at such a crucial point in time. Some health plans may seem steep initially (costs vary according to age and individual medical history), but allow for greater flexibility in claiming against both outpatient and inpatient treatment.
3. Start a savings or education plan for your child. There are many forms of education plans that you may purchase for your child. These are savings plans that allow you to forecast how much you would need for your child's tertiary education (quite a common worry for many Singaporeans) in perhaps 20 years' time. This too affords some peace of mind for both you and your wife.
4. Make or revise your will to include the child. This involves making an official statement with a lawyer with regards to how you want your estate and wealth to be handled in the event of your death. This will help your family manage complicated financial and legal issues, and provides you the opportunity to name a guardian to be responsible for your child.
5. Take stock of what you need and make the necessary purchases. Buy babywear, set up the baby's room, prepare for nursing and feeding requirements.
On a more personal note, Justin shares that the need to buy baby-related products can seem never ending. Parents will always want the best for their child, not to mention their firstborn, and may simply not know how and when to stop.
According to Justin, it is beneficial to do some research on what babies really need. Understanding different perspectives always leads to better-informed decisions. As such, first-time dads can approach friends and relatives for advice. There are also websites to learn from or online forums to participate in.
Mr Fong Xiongkun, a dad-to-be, takes much of Justin’s advice to heart. He acknowledges that the expenses involved can seem astronomical. But at the same time, there's a community that is coming alongside him to welcome the arrival of his child.
"A most wonderful thing is that you would be surprised at how much friends and family are willing to share," says Xiongkun.
He elaborates, "There has been an endless offer of second-hand cots, cribs, sterilisers and playpens. To say that this tremendous outpouring is heartwarming would be an understatement."
"Truly, having a child is a joyful, wonderful thing that can and should be shared with all around you," says Xiongkun.
The Singapore Context
In addition to the things you can do as a family to prepare for the arrival of your child, it'll be good to note how much you are covered at a national level. In Singapore, there are initiatives and policies that seek to make the transition into fatherhood smoother. The Baby Bonus Scheme (Baby Bonus, 2011) provides a cash gift of $4000 each for your first and second child, and $6000 each for your third and fourth child.
You can also take advantage of the Children Development Account – a special savings account that you can open at any OCBC Bank or Standard Chartered Bank. The savings will be matched, up to a cap of $6000 each for your first and second child, $12,000 each for your third and fourth child, and $18,000 each for the fifth and subsequent child.
These funds can then be used for fees in government-approved childcare centres, kindergartens, early intervention programmes and medical-related services.
In terms of leave, your wife has 16 weeks of government-paid maternity leave to use for preparation before birth, recuperation after birth and the care for your newborn. You and your wife will also each enjoy up to six days of government-paid childcare leave every year until your child is seven years old (MCYS, 2011a).
If your wife is working, she should also be aware of the tax relief that she is entitled to. For the first child, she can claim 15% of her earned income. This relief extends to the subsequent children as well (IRAS, 2011).
Last but not least, if your family needs assistance, there are subsidies and schemes under the Ministry of Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) that are available to help pay for childcare and education (MCYS, 2011b).
References:
1. Baby Bonus. (2011). Children Development Co-savings (Baby Bonus) Scheme. Retrieved on 28 January 2011.
2. CredAbility. (n.d.). Planning is Key When Having a Baby. Retrieved on 28 January 2011.
3. Goldenberg, H., & Goldenberg, I. (2008). Family Therapy: An overview (7th ed.). Pacific Grove, Calif: Thomson/Wadsworth.
4. IRAS. (2011). Working Mothers Child Relief. Retrieved on 28 January 2011
5. MCYS. (2011a). Parenting and Baby Bonus. Retrieved on 28 January 2011
6. MCYS. (2011b). Subsidies for Child/Student Care. Retrieved on 28 January 2011
7. Thomas, G. L. (2004). Sacred Parenting. Grand Rapids, Michigan: Zondervan.
About the Author: The Dads for Life Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads.
