101 Questions!

“Daddy, why do boys have elephants and girls don’t?” a boy once asked his flabbergasted dad this question. Many dads would have encountered a similar scenario with their kids asking endless questions; some innocent, some mischievous, some challenging, some funny, some ridiculous and some downright embarrassing.

Raymond Low, 38, father to Ben, aged 5, shares, “When Ben was about two, we always told him that he should not run around naked or topless at home as it was not nice and he would catch a cold. Once we were at Pierce Reservoir, and a man was sitting, topless, on a bench. To our embarrassment, Ben asked very loudly, “Why is Uncle shame-shame?” ” (shame-shame is a colloquial and a child’s way to describe when someone does something shameful or embarrassing).

As Raymond and his wife sheepishly hurried Ben away, they also took the opportunity to explain to Ben that Uncle had taken his shirt off to help him cool down after exercising. On the way back, they spotted the man, still on the bench, but now with his shirt on. He sportingly told Ben, “This time, Uncle wear my shirt already!’

What’s Behind All Those Questions?

So, why do toddlers keep asking “Why?” and why do they think their dad is a genius, able to answer all those questions.

A newborn's brain is about 25 percent of its approximate adult weight. But by age three, it has grown dramatically by producing billions of cells and hundreds of trillions of connections, or synapses, between these cells.

By answering your child’s many questions and providing mental stimulation, you are aiding in the formation of such synapses, which ultimately improves your child’s brain development. Your child’s brain learns more in the first three years of life than at any other time. Every experience changes your child’s brain.

Raymond realises this and keeps in mind that most of the time, asking questions is Ben’s way of learning. Young children are full of curiosity and their brains have an amazing capacity to absorb new information and knowledge.

Having lots of conversations with your child also helps to boost his language skills, introduces him to the pleasures of conversation and makes him feel important.

Raymond also knows that many of Ben’s questions like, “Why does the moon follow us around all the time?”, “Are stars bigger than satellites?” or “Do cars or aeroplanes go faster?” arise from his curiosity.

“Asking questions is Ben’s way of learning and understanding new things. This helps me to be patient and take the effort to explain and talk to him about anything and everything,” says 
Raymond.

Every Dad’s a Genius?

So, your child asks you question after question, day after day because he is convinced you are a genius. What happens then, if you don’t have all the answers?

It can be a chance to learn and find out new things together, for example say: “What do you think?” or “Let’s find out together by checking out a book or the internet.”

Also note that providing answers to questions is not just about helping your child gain in knowledge. It is also about teaching about the world and how to better manage in it.

“Why” may become your curious toddler’s favourite words because she is learning about logical connections. For example, she begins to understand, “If I write with crayon on the walls, mommy takes the crayons away!”

Your child loves to think, and as he discovers the laws of the universe he will not just accept the rules, he’ll want to know why. Thinking about cause and effect is good for your child’s learning. And he’s not the only one who can ask ‘Why’!

You’ll find that asking ’Why?’ and ‘How?’ back will deliver an exciting glimpse into your child’s inner world.

Your toddler’s imagination is blossoming, but he is often not sure about the differences between reality and fantasy. This may lead to new fears and new questions like, “Is there a monster in my room?”

As such, you can help your child to talk about his fears and put his feelings into words. This helps him understand and feel in control of them.  Knowing how he feels will help you provide reassurance. Never belittle your child or his fears because this may lead to increased fearfulness.

Toddlers also begin to notice similarities and differences among people. Expect some embarrassing moments when your child comments or asks questions like, “Why is that auntie’s skin so dark?” Use these as opportunities to explain that people are different in many ways. This teaches your child to respect others.

An Expert’s View

Mr Tony Ong, a Family & Marital Counsellor from the Fei Yue Family Service Centre, comments, “It is paramount for dads to look beyond these questions and see these moments as opportunities to connect with our young minds. When you interact with your child, both of you bond together.”

Tony adds that allowing your child an environment where he can express views and raise questions helps him to feel accepted and safe. He is then likely to tell you more and allow you more opportunities to influence him.

He explains “You do not need to have all the answers. How you manage the awkward moments and lack of answers can become a demonstration to your child about how they could manage themselves. It can communicate to your child that their self-worth is not measured by the number of answers they could offer to others.  This can help them to be more self-assured yet remain curious in learning.”

3 Tips on Tackling Those Endless Questions:

Here are some three tips that you can apply beginning today!

• Pay attention to your child’s questions. Do not dismiss them for example by saying “Stop asking so many questions!” or automatically respond “I don’t know!” Attending to your child’s questions tells them they are important to you.

Remember that you are a role model of learning for your child. Instilling curiosity to discover and find out about new things reaps benefits for the future when your child starts formal schooling.

• Ask your child questions. From the time your child turns three, you can help her develop thinking skills by responding with a question like, “What do you think Susie? Do you think cars go faster than planes?” or “Look at the ant and the snail? Which one do you think is bigger?” instead of immediately answering your child.

Likewise, when your child asks you, “Why?” ask her in turn for her own ideas before you answer. This helps you know how much information she needs. A simple response might be all that is needed.

• Demonstrate and show: experiential learning works well with many kids. Instead of just telling your child the answer, you can show him by comparing real objects to show that an apple is bigger than a strawberry or that by mixing blue and yellow, you get green. Kids remember much better through experiencing and doing.

“Everyday moments are rich bonding and learning opportunities.

Enjoy the magic of these moments with your child”

-“Zero To Three”

‘The Magic of Everyday Moments’ Series

References

1. Livingstone, T.(Dr) (2008). Child Of Our Time. Early Learning. London: Bantam Press.

2. “The Magic of Everyday Moments: What to expect between 24 and 36 months” (retrieved 1 July 2010).  Zero To Three: National Center for Infants, Toddlers and Families. Washington, USA.

About the Author: The DadsforLife Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads.