As children progress to higher levels of education, doing well in school often becomes a more serious issue because the examination results – particularly that of crucial national examinations – can affect their lives and future. It is a serious issue for the teenagers, as well as their parents.

Mr Adrian Lim, a counselling psychologist, thinks that “not all fathers are able to understand the challenges that their teen is experiencing in the current academic examination compared to their own examinations years ago.”

In 2001, 22 youth aged 15 to 19 years committed suicide – the highest suicide rate in a decade. Later in 2003 and 2004, a study of more than 2,000 students was carried out to find out how mentally stressed they were. Interestingly, the study found that it was not school stress which drove teenagers to committing suicide.

Child psychiatrist Dr Daniel Fung, one of the seven doctors who conducted the study, said: “It didn’t matter if the child didn't do well in school. It did matter if he didn't do well and the teacher or parent was unhappy, and he felt that he hadn't fulfilled their expectations.”

‘Crucial’ Exams

For teenagers, the crucial exams are the Singapore-Cambridge GCE N Levels, O Levels, and A Levels. Another important exam is the International Baccalaureate (IB) Diploma examination – students under the Integrated Programme take the IB Diploma examination or the A Levels, without taking their O Levels.

These exams are particularly important as the exam results determine a child’s admission into a junior college, polytechnic or university. Thus, the results for these major exams can affect a child’s academic career and future.

I don’t understand what my kids study – can I still help?

As a child proceeds from primary school to secondary and tertiary levels of education, it can be increasingly difficult for fathers to help their children with their homework if dads are not good at a particular subject.

However, besides helping their children with the academic subject, dads can also play a role as a motivator – keeping their kids’ morale up and boosting their confidence – and as a facilitator – helping kids to effectively manage their time and develop self-discipline.

A retired secondary school teacher, David Lambourne, says:  “Children who get the help and support of their parents consistently do better at school than those children for whom home support doesn’t happen.”

How can I help my child through his or her crucial exam years?

• Start with a positive attitude

A key element of effective studying is having a positive attitude. Rather than seeing these exams as overwhelming hurdles, dads should help their kids understand that sitting for exams are part and parcel of life. Said Dr Fung:  “We want our kids to face pressure because pressure is important. Stress is not a bad thing. Kids need to learn to deal with stress and still succeed in whatever they choose.”

There will always be exams. While continuous assessment is gaining importance, many courses and subjects are still assessed by exams. After a child has graduated from a junior college or polytechnic, he or she would still have to take other exams.. Universities have exams, training courses have exams, and some job applicants have to sit for entrance exams or written tests.

Dads can remind their kids that the process of memorising material, effective time management and taking an exam alone in an exam hall – the skills acquired in this process will continue to be useful later. Revising for major exams is also an opportunity to nurture values such as perseverance, self-discipline and responsibility.

• Plan, plan, plan

As the saying goes, “If you fail to plan, you are planning to fail.” A revision plan sets aside regular times for studying and helps to set out expectations for the child as to when they should be studying. Instead of simply creating a plan for them, fathers should plan it with them. Working out an achievable plan with the children helps them to take more responsibility of their studies.

Dads can also help by ensuring that the family’s schedule and timings fit in with your child’s study schedule. For example, if a family goes on overseas vacations every year, the family can go for a shorter vacation during the June holidays or postpone it to the end of the year after the exams are over, so that the child has more time to revise during the mid-year school holidays.

• Know, and accept, your child’s learning style

Some teenagers need a study environment which is quiet and free of distractions, while others study best with some background music. Some study better in the afternoons, while others study best at night. Some study better at home, while others study better elsewhere. Some study effectively despite having an untidy table (and they prefer that dads do not reorganise their ‘organised mess’).

Fathers should accept that different teens have different learning styles – some people can revise better with loud music or with the television switched on in the corner – and then help to provide a study environment that is comfortable for them.

For example, if a child needs a very quiet study environment, a dad can lower the volume of the television in the living room when he or she is studying.

Or, if a child prefers to study in public places, such as fast-food outlets and libraries, dads can request that the child be home by a certain time in the evening, instead of insisting that the child head straight home after lessons have ended.

• Recognise effort instead of results

According to Mr Lim, it is important for fathers to explore “their teens’ life direction and career choices that will be in line with [their] personal strengths, inclinations and talents.” Fathers would need to spend time to “know their teen inside out,” he adds.

Some teens naturally excel in music, while others excel in sports. Howard Gardner’s theory of multiple intelligences proposes that there are seven intelligences, yet most academic exams only measure one or two of them (linguistic intelligence and mathematical intelligence).

Some kids may bring home ‘B’s, no matter how hard they study. Instead of focusing on results and comparing those with other kids’ exam results, dads can praise them for their hard work and perseverance.

Most importantly, love unconditionally

If exams and school work are the most common conversation topics between parent and child, a kid may think that the only way to please their father is by scoring high marks. Exams would then become a test of worthiness to be loved, instead of being a test of knowledge and thinking skills.

Fathers can send their teenagers off with the knowledge that they will love and support them, or mark the ending of exams with a celebration dinner. Whatever the result, the teenager should be assured that his or her dad’s love is unconditional and does not depend on academic performance.

References:

1. Focus on the Family Singapore. (2009). Beating Exam Stress.

2. Khalik, S. (2008, January 2). Suicides among kids and youth drop sharply: Greater awareness of kids' emotional distress among parents, teachers. The Straits Times .

3. Lambourne, D. (2008). How to Pass Exams: A Parent's Guide. Great Britain: Need2Know Books

4. Parentline Plus. (2010, March 30). Tips on Dealing with Exam Stress.

About the Author: The DadsforLife Resource Team comprises local content writers and experts, including psychologists, counsellors, educators and social service professionals, dedicated to developing useful resources for dads.